I can't even look back on that one carefree moment anymore without shadows. The sound of MacLeod's light teasing kept me sane in the midst of everything, but now I can't seem to hold onto it. The little pin still winks at me from the back of my backpack. The Wheel of History. The worst game show ever made. The most fun I'd had in centuries. We were laughing and teasing when the buzz interrupted us. I tried to persuade the brat to come the long way home, but he refused. I shouldn't have been surprised. He never did know when to run from a fight.
I was getting ready to head over to Joe's for the evening when the familiar buzz hit me. I thought it was the Highlander, returning triumphantly from the hunt. "MacLeod?" I called reaching for a weapon. The knife between my ribs burned. I remembered the hilt, a breath before strong hands caught my arms to ease me down as I died.
"Greetings, Brother."
"Kronos." Kronos. Where can I even begin to explain him. He was my world for so long. My father. My teacher. My brother. My student. All and nothing. I betrayed him. I walked away without permission. Now, he was back to claim me or kill me. His blue eyes were cheerfully psychotic as he smiled down at me. They were the last thing I ever thought I'd see.
*****
I awoke on my back. The cold seeping through my sweater as I coughed up blood. Kronos was above me, chains in his hands. "Welcome back. How do you feel?"
"Like I left my heart in San Fransisco." I tried to roll over to sit up, but he force me back down. The lesson wasn't over yet, I suppose.
"I never knew you had a heart. Does it hurt?"
"Well, what do you think?" I snapped at him, irrationally.
"I think you're not used to pain, Brother. Have you gone soft?"
"I just outgrew my angry adolescence faster than you." He ignored the weak jibe and went blathering on about my survival skills. All I could think about was running away. Getting to the Highlander. Trying to find Jude, wherever the Hell he was hiding himself. "So you've come to kill me," I interjected at last.
"That's what I do best." He gestured grandly sitting shoulder to shoulder with me. He never had known the definition of privacy. "You do have a choice, you know," he said conversationally.
"Oh, I'm all for choices."
"You can lose your head, or join me."
"In that case, welcome back, Brother." We clasped hands in a ritual older than either of us.
"Go get your things. Be back in two hours. Don't make me hunt you down again." I nodded. "Understood?"
"Yes, Kronos."
*****
My first stop when he let me out of the hell hole, I mean the power station, was to go to MacLeod's dojo. "Glad to see you made it. Something's come up…" I began.
"Yes, have you heard of an immortal named Kronos?" the cub asked.
"Kronos?" I repeated. Suddenly, there was another buzz to deal with. A female coming out of the elevator. I knew her almost as quickly as she knew me. My first not-so-happily married wife, Cassandra.
"You!" she snarled.
"Who's this?" I asked, playing dumb. "You don't know me," I told her. That's actually true, she knows only Death not me.
"Fool. Do you really think I could ever forget you?" I was her first husband. That's like Kronos expecting me to just forget her after he took her away.
"MacLeod," I begged, putting myself behind some equipment. He grabbed her sword.
"Go." I ran like hell back to my car and back to Kronos. Looking back on it, I don't know if that was the best idea I've ever had, but despite everything, I've always trusted Kronos more than MacLeod. Kronos I can predict. He was just sitting there, waiting for me. We blathered on a bit and he talked some about "the good old days." He sat down at his computer and I tried to work up the courage to kill him outright. "You took quite a chance letting me out of your sight like that," I said to cover the sound of my pulling my sword. I knew as I started towards him that he'd already sensed my intentions, but I had to follow through or he'd never let me loose.
"I had to be sure of you," he stated. I swung. He caught my wrist easily and put his knife to my throat. A token struggle and I dropped the sword. It was an old game. "And now I am."
"You don't understand. I'm not like that anymore. I've changed!" I told him. He circled me with predatory intent.
"No. You may think you have. You may even have convinced yourself you had. But I know you. Don't tell me you don't miss it."
"The killing?" I was aghast. He knew I never really took to that, for all my name was Death.
"The power!" As he spoke I could taste that power again. The fear on the faces of our prey. The smell of the heat and the blood. The stink of terror. The feeling of being a god. Creating our world. I knew I was trembling. That part of my life is never as far away as I would like it to be. "You know Cassandra's in town."
"We didn't exactly exchanged gifts."
"I'll kill her for you."
"And in exchange?"
"You kill MacLeod."
"But why? MacLeod's my friend. He's nothing to you." That was a misstep. I knew it as soon as I opened my mouth, but there it was. The blue eyes flashed warning and I made sure not to flinch back the way I really wanted to.
"Because he's your friend! Because you still have to prove yourself! Because you OWE me!" He filled my space, and I couldn't argue. There was nothing to say. I'd betrayed him by running away. I had to pay for that. "Swear it. Swear that you will kill him." I cut my hand to meld the blood with his, the healing of the Quickening danced across both wounds. I couldn't look him in the eye. He'd never really appreciated that anyway, so I don't think he noticed much. It was an oath I knew I would never keep. I left again after that, to actually pick up my stuff this time. I told him I was going after Mac.
*****
I was in front of my building, swinging the last of my bags into the back of my Jimmy. Mac stalked towards me, his face was heartbreakingly disillusioned. I never told him I was what he hated. I told Jude it would happen, but we both thought I'd be able to control it. I'd be able to find some way to address it before there was a problem.
"Going somewhere?" he asked.
"You shouldn't be here."
"What are you running from? The question or the answer?"
"There is no answer, MacLeod. Let it be." I can't explain this to you. Jude barely understands it and he's known me for so much longer.
"Is what she said true?" My gut reaction was, am I supposed to know what she said? My ex-wife is filling his head with non-sense and I'm supposed to know what she said and whether or not it's true. That sounds like her logic.
"I'm outta here," I said with what I thought was a modicum of good grace.
"No, you're not. You're not outta here. Is what she said true?" I could make a pretty good guess at what part of her usual litany set him off. I took a breath and debated about what to say.
"The times were different, MacLeod. I was different. The whole bloody world was different, okay?
"Did you kill all those people?" Let me just tell you that that was not the question I was expecting. I guess she down-played the first few times we had sex. Okay, when I raped her. I really don't like the twentieth century sometimes. She was my wife. I claimed her. I saved her life. It was a very simple sort of life. Now I'd have to court her and give her a ring and wait for her to fall in love with me. By the time we'd even have started the little ritual, we would have been dead. Thirty was old when we were young, but no one seems to understand that. Cassie was only a teenager. As was I. "Yes. Is that what you want to hear? Killing was all I knew. Is that what you want to hear?" Sometimes, I just want the questions to stop. As soon as people find out how old I am, the questions never end. I wanted Jude next to me, just so I could bitch at him. He understands sometimes.
"That's enough." The little Highland brat was just going to walk away. I grabbed him and threw him against the car. The rage I felt towards Kronos was being taken out on him. Even though I recognized it, I couldn't seem to control it.
"No, it's not enough! I killed. But I didn't just kill fifty, I didn't kill a hundred. I killed a thousand. I killed ten thousand." All right, I admit I was being conservative. If I hadn't killed ten thousand in our two millenia of riding together, Kronos would have taken my head. "And I was good at it." It's what I was trained for. "And it wasn't for vengeance. It wasn't for greed. It was because — I liked it." I felt the insane rush that must keep Caspian so damned happy. I was laughing with the high of telling the truth. "Cassandra was nothing. Her village was nothing. Do you know who I was? I was Death." I laughed then. MacLeod slammed me against the car, but I was on a roll. I had the crazy notion that if I could just drive him away now, he might not get killed. Then, my whole purpose for having met him would not be wasted because he couldn't walk away from a challenge. "Death — Death on a horse. When mothers warned their children that the monster would get them, that monster was me. I was the nightmare that kept them awake at night. Is that what you want to hear? The answer is yes, oh yes." I gave him what he needed to hear to walk away from me.
"We're through," he stated. I nodded and let him walk back to his car. I got behind the wheel and nearly collapsed. Relief and self-loathing. And pain. More pain than I thought possible. The Highlander was my chance to prove that I was able to be myself in a relationship with a strong personality. It was my chance to prove to Jude that Sean Burns had done something for me. Not that I really thought it was true. It is so hard to break centuries' worth of patterns. I let myself cry for a few seconds, then headed back to the power plant.
Who should I find creeping around, or rather running away from, my brother's hideaway, but my dear, sweet Cassandra the witch. I knocked her out and carried her to the bridge behind the plant. I waited until she woke up. "You should have killed me when you had the chance," she snarled at me right before I dropped her in the river and sent her belt sailing after. She was probably right, but damn it, I've never wanted her head. I went back into the plant and found Kronos and MacLeod fighting. It was all wrong MacLeod wasn't clearly winning, and when Kronos is fighting, that means he's winning. He makes his opponents tire themselves out before he attacks. I started making firebombs and set the place a light. I've always loved fire. It's cleansing. The flames separated them and they both shot evil glances up at me. I ignored both of them and set off the fire alarm. I snagged Kronos' disks and laptop case on my way to the car. Wouldn't want him to get too mad at me. Besides, it would give me a few moments to peruse the files. I had the motor running and was waiting when he slammed into the passenger side.
"Drive," he ordered. "The Hilton. I've a room." I pulled into the parking garage beneath the hotel. We weren't all that far away from the power plant, still on the river in fact. It always pays to be near water. It's a very good escape route. My flat back in Paris was by the river, until the brat found me. Still, I figured that the basement of Shakespeare and Company was good enough. It connects to the sewers and catacombs. Kronos was not pleased. He stalked around the room while I read for awhile, then he really decided to get mad. Sometimes, I've noticed, he needs to work himself up to his anger. I was so engrossed in my book that I didn't anticipate the first blow. He smacked the side of my head. Nothing Joe's never done. I looked up, my innocent face in place.
Kronos wasn't smiling. My stomach twisted into knots. "We're going for a walk. Leave your coat." I swallowed. Basically, he just ordered me to go out unarmed. He, of course, was armed. I still had my throwing knives, but not my gun. I knew the knives wouldn't be enough to stop him if he started in on me. We walked along the river, fairly quietly. "Why do you do this?" he asked. "Why do you make me angry? Do you like getting hurt? Hmmm?" We were down by the warehouses by then and he slammed me into a wall.
"What do you mean?" I asked. He just laughed.
"Play dumb if you like. You'll cave soon enough and tell me the truth." We walked awhile longer, but now he had ahold of my wrist as if I were a recalcitrant child. I twisted in his grip, but it merely tightened. "Do you want it broken?"
"No, sir."
"Tsk. Tsk. You're showing your age."
"Kronos," I whined, pulling against the grip. Then we were on the docks. He had his sword to my throat.
"You interfered. Were you trying to save him?"
"It could have gone either way. I couldn't take the chance."
"Who were you trying to save, him or me? I should kill you right here."
"Then you'll never have the four horsemen again."
"Explain."
"Caspian and Silas are alive. I can take you to them."
"Then you live." He grinned feraly at me. I was not pleased. He dragged me back to the hotel. It was humiliating enough being treated like a child, but the consierge behind the desk even noticed. He moved to intervene. "I wouldn't," Kronos said to him. The mortal frowned at us. I shook my head. I didn't want him dying for me. I could see that he wasn't happy, but he let it go.
Kronos was giggling. "What?" I asked.
"Mortals. You've got them all fooled with your pretty little face," he sneered. "That mask doesn't work on me. I know you. I want all your weapons on the table. Now." I reluctantly turned over my armory to the table. He cuffed me to one of the twin beds and went for a shower. The metal cut into my wrist. I knew I could get out of it, but that would mean he'd just hunt me down. Better to accept and keep the damage minimal.
I don't remember falling asleep, but Kronos woke me with a gentle shake. "Hey, Kid, wake up." I'd been in the middle of a dream. "No need for nightmares," he told me. My wrist was dripping blood from my unconscious struggle against the metal. I kicked off my hiking boots and laid, exhausted, against the pillows. Kronos unlocked the cuff. "Get ready for bed." I took my opportunity and escaped into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked so old, so flat, so dead. That is what I always see when my hope disappears. My "emergency" backpack sat on the edge of the sink and I caught sight of the little gold pin "Wheel of History." I went through the simple routines of bedtime, washing off the blood from my wrist. I slipped into bed quickly. Kronos didn't bother putting the handcuff back on. He was working on his computer. "Sleep well, Brother." Sometimes it's worse getting what you want when you know it isn't real. All I'd ever wanted was for him to be kind. His kindnesses were spread out. Just when I'd gotten to the point of running away, he'd give me a treat that made me stay. The genuine smile of joy when I'd made a perfect plan. The sparring sessions where I'd taught him something I'd just invented. I craved his approval. I still do. I wanted him to be happy for my changes. I wanted him to tell me I was doing a good job. I wanted, I don't know what I wanted. I just closed my eyes and fell asleep with the ever so familiar sound of his breathing and humming.
In the middle of the night I awoke from a nightmare. From after I left the horsemen, rather than during our reign. I was chilled and shaking. It was the first time Kronos hadn't been there to ride to the rescue when I got in over my head. It was my first taste of what it meant to be an adult. I was moving before I even knew what I was doing. I sat next to his bed, my head resting near his hand. He woke from his dreams and put a hand on my head. I was still shaking. He frowned and sat up. "What's wrong, Little One?" he asked in a language I hadn't heard in centuries.
"Just a dream, Father," I answered. "Just a dream."
"Of what?" It was such an old ritual.
"After. When you couldn't come for me anymore. When I was alone." He seemed pleased at that. Probably more pleased that I hadn't had a good time of it when I left him.
"I am here now." He patted the bed beside him and I curled up next to him. Sometimes I wonder about this brave new world we live in. Every child has its own bed. Even MacLeod grew up when there was no room or money for that foolishness. Kronos and I had shared before the others joined us. Even when we were apart, I never slept alone. I didn't get into that habit until several hundred years after leaving the Horsemen behind, when I needed to be alone to think, to guard, to be myself. The warmth of a body next to me felt good. I've been alone since Alexa's death.
*****
"Wakey. Wakey." I looked at the clock. It was obscenely early. I burrowed under the pillow and heard Kronos laugh. "Still don't like mornings? One would think that one would overcome a little thing like that." His perfect grammar truly ticks me off. He's always taken pains to sound proper.
"Spoken like a morning person."
"Up. Now. We need to get you papers and tickets to where our dear brothers are waiting." I cursed into the mattress and just knew that if I didn't get up, I'd get blood on the sheets. I struggled vertical and blinked muzzily at the bed on the other side of the room. I didn't immediately remember the nightmare, but that was nothing new, my powers of denial are awesome. I stretched languidly. Kronos was all tolerant that morning. I have a theory that his moods are connected to the height of the sun in the sky. By noon he'd be snarly if it were overcast. He pulled open the curtains and I hit the floor. He laughed. "My brother the vampire. Come along, now, the bathroom's over this way."
"Why don't you go get the paper or something? I'll be ready when you get back."
"I already have the paper. I went out earlier and let you sleep. You sleep like the dead." I raised an eyebrow and he grinned at his own pun. It felt good. I was tempted to just sit back and let Kronos take control again. He made a shooing motion with his hands and opened up his paper. I was waiting for him to put a pipe in his mouth. He glared over the paper at me. "What? Did you think I'd forgotten how to read without your horde of books?" I gave him my best wounded look and went to the bathroom.
I liked feeling accepted. My moods have always shifted in line with his. I can feel it in his Quickening, I think. It's instinctual. Most of my survival instincts are now. Kronos wanted his old student back. He wanted the old days, old ways. He wanted his power back. That I could understand better than I wanted to. I was tired of keeping my claws in. I hadn't had a real fight in centuries. I stared in the mirror. My eyes were dancing and that chilled me to the bone. I had no right to be in a good mood. I had just pushed away a good friend and spent the night with a man that terrifies me like no other ever has. I have never needed to shave. That's one of the clues to my age at my first death. Still a teenager. Maybe that explains my lack of forethought when it comes to my personal relationships. Kronos is the root of my dislike of authority figures. I could almost hear Sean Burns snickering in the back of my mind. Somehow the man had never managed to stay a shrink around me. I couldn't really be mad at him, Jude studied under him.
The thought of Jude made me angry suddenly. If I'd never met the boy, I'd never have had to make this choice. I would never have joined the Watchers. I would have avoided the Highlander like the plague. I would have been dead a millenium ago. I hate having to be honest. Well, I would have found some way to survive. The Plan is too bright in my mind. I stepped into the wonderful hot water. I stayed there until my skin was a bright red. I got dressed quickly so as not to lose the warmth.
Kronos raised an eyebrow and looked me over critically. "What exactly are you wearing?"
"It's called a sweater. It's knitted from yarn which is made from the wool of sheep. Irish sheep to be exact. And I'm sure you've seen jeans before. You're wearing some."
"My dear, dear brother, this will never do. We are going shopping."
"Kronos?"
"You look like a cuddly little dog. One of Silas' pets. That will never do. Black, brother." I pouted automatically. "I know you are partial to white, however, it is not threatening at all. Not in this world."
"Not in Seacouver. We can shop in Seattle when we get the papers to get us into Germany and Romania."
"Ah, we will need papers to get the others out as well."
"I know where to get them in Germany." Kronos nodded.
"I can find a contact in Romania. I've been in the Eastern Block since the fall of the Berlin wall. Humans can be so amusing when it comes to petty warlords." Russia. That made a sick sort of sense. Part of me wondered if he'd been a part of the chaos crew that had toppled the Communists. It seemed like his sort of thing. "They've been creating biological weapons, you know," he said conversationally. Kronos had always been interested in chemicals and science. It was a nice divide. He came up with the weapons to fit my plans. Or I used his weapons to make my plans. I settled down to peruse the breakfast tray. My favorite breakfast food, beer, was not on the menu. Kronos had always disliked alcohol of any kind. I poked at something that looked as if it were based in a potato substance. "Grits. I got into the mood this morning for some good ole 'merican food." I rolled my eyes. I tasted them.
"Ug, what are you supposed to do with these? Glue your house together?" Kronos laughed.
"You've never eaten grits?" He seemed pleased. He was beaming.
"No. I've never had the… pleasure."
"Here, have some eggs." I finished the scrambled eggs much more cheerfully. He had prepared toast with orange marmalade by the time I was done. "Eat. You'll need your strength." I ate carefully. I didn't want a bright orange stain on my sweater. Appearances are important. Adam Pierson had to be in full effect until we made our disappearance in Seattle. Kronos has to have found out about Watchers by now. My brother has always made a point of knowing anything that has to do with me. Of course, he probably doesn't care either. I licked the sticky residue off my fingertips. "Do you turn into a cat at the full moon or is that just a rumor that the little witch started?"
"You'd know if I did." He accepted that with a nod.
"We're leaving." I gathered my bag and keys. I also took the laptop and Kronos' other bag. I was falling into my usual role. I'd like to say that I was just lulling him into a false sense of security, but that would be a lie. I was making him happy so he wouldn't kill me and pack me off to Germany in a coffin. I hate waking up in coffins, but that's another story. We drove to Seattle arguing over rock stations and eventually settling on classical music that we both remembered from when it was new. I followed his directions with very little regard as to where he was taking me. If he'd wanted me dead, he would have done something about it a little earlier. The papers took about twelve hours to get. As we waited for the papers, Marcus Kell took me shopping. We argued long and hard about leather and designer tee-shirts. We perused the knife shop and he physically barred my entry to the bookstore. "But I'll need something to read on the plane," I pointed out.
"You sit there." He pointed to the bench outside the store. "I'll choose something for you." I sighed heavily, but didn't push my luck. Kronos in a good mood is something to be treasured. I twitched and settled myself into a meditative position, but I couldn't get into the right mindset. Sitting so close to the books was torture. It was inventive torture, but still torture. I knew that if I even went close to the alluringly displayed new releases Kronos would not be pleased. I briefly considered running away, but I couldn't make myself stand up. It was nearly an hour and a half later that he returned with two bags of books. Appearantly I'd rubbed off on him. He was as addicted to books as I was. I looked hopefully at the bags. "On the plane," he chided. I pouted, but gathered the bags and followed him to the food court for lunch - Greek lamb and flat bread. I could smell the beer from the hot-dog front, but Kronos wouldn't let me get any. I hate being completely sober. It makes my memories to hard to ignore.
The plane was full and hot. We had first class tickets so I could move my legs. The stewardess offered us drinks and Kronos answered before I could open my mouth. "Coke for both. And Miss," he lowered his voice, "he's in recovery. Don't listen to him if he asks for anything and I’m not here." She nodded with a sympathetic smile in my direction. I was hot enough to kill and the only thing that kept me from going for a knife was the fact that they'd been packed away in our luggage.
"That was unnecessary, brother," I cooed instead. "I know you don't like alcohol." He grinned at me and shook his head. He handed me a book instead of a drink and I took the distraction it offered. It was a medical book on viruses. I looked at him with more questions than I could get in order.
"I had the store order it for me three weeks ago," he informed me. "I've been at the University of Washington's library for several months doing research." My face must have gone dead white. I'd been to the library several times, ignoring the immortal signature. We'd both been damping down our Quickenings. I hadn't bothered looking around. "I saw you once, but I thought it was an illusion, then I asked your name from the student volunteer. Benjamin Adams. I thought you'd stopped using that years ago, but fate had dropped you into my lap." His eyes were so happy. He was never that happy to see me before. I felt the defenses I'd tried so hard to build start to crumble. I sent out a desperate plea to any god that was still listening to me to give me strength. He pulled out a book for himself and we read until the layover in New York City. I was so engrossed in my book that I didn't look up when the strange signature entered my range.
Kronos spoke close to my ear. "Tall, sandy-blonde, white sneakers…" I glanced up.
"Connor MacLeod," I confirmed. "Killed the Kurgan. Runs an antique store. Left off for a few years, touring with his wife and working in Egypt as an archeologist. Must be back for business."
"The child?"
"His adopted son."
"Do the Watchers know you're immortal?"
"No, I'm a Methos researcher."
"Lets keep it that way then, my little pre-immortal." He tousled my hair and frowned. "I've never seen your hair this short. It makes you look older."
"That was the effect I was going for." Kronos nodded at Connor and he came over to us.
"Gentlemen," he said.
"Sir," Kronos responded.
"Do we have a quarrel?"
"No."
"Good flight."
"Clear skies." And Connor passed noiselessly towards his gate. Kronos spoke right into my ear again. "Not speaking to him was rude," he chided me.
"I'm not Immortal remember," I shot back. "We've had a tail since we touched down."
"How did they catch on to us?"
"The ID's you had made. They've probably tagged his shop. You're fairly well known."
"You have access to their system?"
"Yes. I have Caspian's file tagged so when someone accesses it I'll know. Joe will let Cassie look at the pictures if she gets MacLeod involved." My sneer of distaste wasn't fake. I can't stand MacLeod's automatic assumption of female superiority. Trust me, the woman is not always right. "Which he will. One flash of her pretty brown eyes and he'll be fucking ga-ga."
"Jealous brother?"
I snorted. "She seduced him when he was thirteen. He had no chance."
"She does seem to have the effect of lowering the male IQ. Look what she did to you. I should have made you kill her then. Why didn't you go after her?" he demanded in his most threatening growl.
"Because I didn't want to," I said petulantly. He was treating me like a child, so I decided to damn well act like one. If my ex was going to get me in trouble, I was going to earn it. I went back to my book as he took deep breaths to calm himself. The flight announcement came soon on the heels of his return to normal breathing.
"Don't push your luck, Little One. You'll find I'm not quite so forgiving as I once was." You haven't changed one bit, Father, I thought to myself. His Quickening felt like prickles against my skin. Usually the buzz disappears once you make eye contact and doesn't return if you don't leave range. However, once you restrain your Quickening, any change in concentration can make the shielding leak. I pushed him a bit too hard, but not hard enough to make him loose control of it. Either one of us would whammy an entire city if we let it loose. Jude says I actually glow when I let go completely. Usually, I only do so in emergencies. It can drop my enemy to his knees.
I was stuck on the inside seat again. Kronos knew damn well I suffer from claustraphobia. He wanted to punish me for being a brat, which of course made me more of a brat. The stewardess refused to serve me. Kronos had decided my new identity was only 20. I felt the flush of anger begin on my neck. I was edging towards a killing rage. If Kronos tightened his leash any I would lose it. Mother, please. I need some help here. I can't do this alone! Kronos went to sleep after admonishing me to do the same. I chose to pull out his laptop instead.
His password was too simple: "Pestilence." I had access to all of his studies. I was engrossed in reading dispersal charts and biological scans when he woke up. He patted my arm and shut off the computer. It had only been about an hour and a half. "Go to sleep," he told me as he stored the computer away. He flipped up the arm between us and pulled me to lie on his lap. He arranged the airplane blanket over me with as much care as he had ever taken. As I said, his kindness always broke me faster than his cruelty. He settled his hand on my neck and rubbed in gentle circles almost absently. I was asleep soon after.
I awoke when the pilot announced that we had to straighten our chairs up. Kronos was still half-asleep as we boarded our train in Paris heading North towards what used to be an unclaimed territory. It was Northern Germany now. The train was comforting. We could carry our weapons with us again. The dining car was empty when we settled at a table and ordered a large dinner. We ate as we looked over the research information. Kronos pointed out different infection vectors. He'd been running rat studies for half a year. "From what I can tell, the hosts become a complete slave. He who controls the virus controls the population."
"That's strange. It gathers at the cortex then? Suppresses free will?"
"Yes. I've tried it on a small number. One of those attempts I told you about. The problem is, they need to be told exactly what to do. That won't be a problem with four of us. Also, it doesn't automatically work. There is a 50 percent chance of death."
"In the primates as well?"
"So far."
"Can we try it on Caspian?" That got me a knuckle to the temple, but it was a fair question.
"No." I nibbled on my dinner, not tasting it.
"This is Russian?"
"They found it in nature and refined it from another state. The researcher I took it off of thought this was the best state."
"Loose end?"
"She's dead." I nodded. The plan was burning in my mind and I knew I had to stop this. There was no choice. This was not a matter of my mixed feelings about Kronos. This was not the re-creation of a dysfunctional family unit, as Sean would have said. This was the beginning of Armageddon and that could not be allowed yet. The pieces were not on the board. And it was clear at that point that there were some pieces that had to be removed permanently. I hoped I would be able to save Silas. He was my favorite brother.
"The communication is from ingestion. That means water or food contamination," I muttered to myself. I scribbled on the notepad that Kronos provided - random thoughts. I needed outside help, but I wasn't sure it would still be there. I took it on faith that the gods wouldn't abandon me on this one.
We packed up and hopped out at our stop. It was one away from the end of the line. We needed horses. Kronos provided, as usual. It was so peaceful riding together. I miss my war horses though. Horses aren't trained anymore. Kronos and I discussed his base of operations' security. It seemed Watcher proof. I was relieved. I wanted as many mortals out of the way as possible. We made camp in the middle of the forest. I set my bedroll down right next to the fire. I refused to be cold if I didn't need to be. Night fell as we devoured a roasted rabbit. The scraps were mine to get rid of and I did so quickly. I got myself lost in the process. I kicked a tree and settled down. I pulled in my Quickening until it was a little ball inside me, then let part of it out again. I did that three times until I felt the same from Kronos. I used his Quickening as a directional. I sat down next to him. He automatically put an arm around me. I used to be deathly afraid of the dark. I had severe panics and would pass out. He trained me out of them slowly. I was buried alive. Spent years that way. I thought I was dead. I thought that Ereskigal had taken her revenge. When he pulled me out, I was ready to be Death once more. I wanted control again.
"Tell me about the stars," I asked softly. His arm tightened around me and I leaned against him as he gathered his thoughts. I don't remember falling asleep, but I remember waking in a panic when he went out of my range to get water. I was so disoriented when I woke that when he came back I had my sword ready.
"Hush, Little One. You're safe," he soothed as I lowered the weapon. It was still dark out. He sat down next to me. "Go back to sleep. It's early yet."
"I don't think I'll be able to. Do you want to keep going?"
"No, we'll wait until daylight." He fussed with his pack and pulled out two glasses. He poured some water into one and handed it to me. The sleeping pill hit me in moments and I was asleep.
*****
The next day we were riding. "You didn't have to drug me," I grumbled.
"Yes, I did," Kronos disagreed. I let it drop. He was in a good mood. I didn't want to spoil his fun. We felt the surge of Silas' presence.
"What if he doesn't remember?" Silas is not that bright and it had been more than two thousand years since I'd last seen him.
"He'll remember," I was assured. We dismounted and lead our horses into the clearing where the big man was chopping wood. He launched his axe into the air and it smashed into the tree between us. He hurried towards us.
"Brother!" He picked me up in a hug. I felt a full smile on my face. "We ride?" he queried.
"We ride," Kronos confirmed as they clasped hands. Silas ushered us into his simple home. His horse and other pets were milling around a fenced in enclosure in the back. The big man showed them off proudly. Inside his home was sparse. Never one for things, our Silas. He fed us lunch, then we headed off towards the town where we'd left our things in a public locker. From there to Bourdeux. We checked into a hotel. I snagged a couple books of matches. Always does to be prepared. We got papers for our trip to Romania. Silas was quite taken with the lights of the city, especially the carnival. I took him to the carnival for cotton candy and laughter. The general workers assumed he was slow and humored the two of us, answering endless questions. Silas watched the ferris wheel for a long while.
"It's like reaching to the Gods," he commented. "What's that smell?"
"Fried dough. Want to try it?" He nodded and I got an order with powdered sugar. I blessed my Immortal metabolism. Silas loved sweets and I loved to indulge him. In part, I was at the fair because I knew we didn't have much time left. I wanted to have good memories of him just in case I couldn't save him. When we got back to the hotel, Kronos was cursing at his computer. He motioned me over.
"Fix it." He assumed I could. He was right, but that wasn't exactly a comforting thought. He smiled as I reprogrammed the damn thing. He patted my head. "Knew you could."
"You did this on purpose didn’t you?" I accused. He wouldn't answer me, so I just got up and left him to sort out the rest of the mess. I was not amused. I was engrossed in the medical texts again and Silas was sleeping off his excess of food, when Kronos settled his hands on my shoulders. He kissed the top of my head lightly.
"Are you finding anything interesting?"
"I'm a few years rusty," I replied. "At least the basic principles haven't changed."
"Neither have you," he said softly. "Don't try to hide things from me, Boy. Have you tried to contact your precious Highlander yet?" I shook my head. "Don't disobey me. You promised me his head, and I want it. I know you tend to play with your prey when you get the chance, but I will not have my plans jeopardized because of your games. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Kronos." He sprawled across the bottom of the bed and looked up at me as he leaned on his elbows.
"What is the problem?" I played with the notebook as I thought of how I wanted to phrase my half-truths. I never lie outright if I can help it.
"You've seen how he fights." He frowned for a moment and then grabbed my right hand. His frown deepened as he just reforming callouses. I hadn't been practicing until the tribunal mess. I was in better practice than I was implying. I could take MacLeod with the right motivation, but I lacked the motivation to kill the cub. His face cleared and I realized I'd escaped a beating at the very least.
"You don't think you can beat him. We'll fix that. You'll start sparing with me as soon as we pick up Caspian." The problem solved he laid back and shut his eyes. "Do you have a plan to bring him to me?"
"By now MacLeod's taken Cassandra to his Watcher and they've begun searching for Silas and Caspian. They'll find Caspian in the database. I'll leave MacLeod a clue there to bring him here to this hotel. I'll call him and throw him a crumb." Kronos nodded. "Then, I can arrange a meeting with him after he trusts me somewhat and take him then." That wasn't the plan and Kronos knew it, but if I'd told him everything he never would have believed me. That's the nature of our relationship. He can… could outthink me in a heartbeat. My plans were flawless on the simple principle that I knew what he would do given any opportunity. I'd given him enough information for him to know that I wouldn't take MacLeod on my own. What he chose to do about it was up to him.
"We have an early morning. I'll clear this up." I rolled my eyes.
"I think I can handle it."
"Methos." It was a warning and I grabbed my toiletries and headed to the bathroom. The mirror was warped. I closed my eyes for a moment. I was more tired in spirit than in body, which was unfortunately normal for me. Jude, I could really use you right now. I could just feel a dull ache. I didn't dare contact Jude even if I could track him. I couldn't let him be pulled into this. One of us at least had to last. I couldn't risk him.
There was no playing tonight. No nightmares. Kronos and I started out the night sharing the bed. It was the first uninterrupted sleep I'd gotten since he'd come back. The light that leaked through the window was too weak to be full sun. It was just barely dawn. Kronos was whistling some folk song that my brain refused to place. He had tossed jeans and a tee-shirt across the bottom of the bed. That was what had actually awakened me. I glowered at him. He ignored me. I hate mornings.
He left me to deal with getting Silas ready for travel on an airplane. Kronos had snuck off to whatever base he had in the city to leave the majority of our things. It would be only a few days and we didn't need much. Silas was resistant to the idea that men could fly now. I let him watch the planes taking off for half an hour before Kronos and I coaxed him onto the plane. The stewardess was very sweet. She reminded me of one of my wives. She had the same smile. Then again, once you get to my age, everyone reminds you of someone. We flew first class to Prague and took the train to Bucharest.
The dingy, dark, damp, disgusting gulag they called an insane asylum was begging to be raided. The smarmy little doctor wouldn't listen to my talk. I gave up with a roll of my eyes to Kronos. He dropped enough money on the desk for the doctor to have bought himself several estates in America or anywhere else he'd choose to run like the little rat he was. Silas was carving himself a flute. He played on it idly while the doctor debated whether or not we were as certifiable as our "brother." Of course, we are, but we're much more functional.
Silas was gentle with the patients. He considers them to be like animals. One of the most psychotic was crying that the dark man was coming. He was right. I sneered at the "humane" treatment that Caspian was getting. Locked in a damp cellar cell, chained to the wall like an animal. Not exactly where one would expect to find a god.
Kronos unchained him and the wild creature that bore a vague resemblence to Caspian attacked the bastard. It wasn't until he moved that I saw my brother. Granted the man isn't my favorite person in the world, but no one deserves to be kept like that. He stopped me from stepping on a cockroach and ate it. He did it just to turn my stomach. I know him. He knows I'd never have come for him on my own. Kronos got him fit for human sight as I arranged papers for him. For once, Kronos let me go on my own. Not that it did me much good, but it was pleasant to breath. I stopped in at the church and let the incense sweep over me. The priest offered me a place for the night and protection if I needed it. I noticed the Watcher tattoo. I shook my head, but asked him to send a message for me to Joe Dawson. He was more than willing to do so. "I'm still alive. Has Mac traced us yet? - A.P." The priest took my hand for a moment.
"We Watch over our own, Child," he told me. "If you can, come to us. We will protect you."
"If I leave, he'll kill to find me. I can't let that happen. Pray for me, Father." I left and went back to my past.
"Took you long enough," my teacher snapped.
"Shove it." He cuffed the back of my head.
"We're leaving." He put an arm over my shoulders. It was a loose clasp. Caspian got to play packhorse for the day and I was more pleased than I should have been. It seemed "gratitude" was a word in his vocabulary. Kronos was beginning to irritate me. I could feel myself beginning to bristle. He should have known better than to even slightly physically cage me. By the time he'd settled his hand on the back of my neck I was seething. I shoved him away. Silas had to physically pick me up to keep me from swinging at him. Caspian just laughed.
"I warned you about keeping a hunting cat, didn't I, Brother?" he told Kronos as he helped him up. It hadn't involved swords or weapons, so it wasn't considered a fight in our vocabulary. Kronos was grinning that damn Cheshire cat sized grin that I have always despised. It's the one that means he's gotten something he wants. Payback would be hell. We boarded the train that would take us to Moscow. Kronos made sure he sat next to me. I shut my eyes for a nap, but it wasn't to be. Caspian settled in across from me and kicked me in the shins to get my attention. I snarled at him.
"What?"
"Is there a problem here, Gentlemen?" the conductor asked.
"Just a brotherly squabble," Kronos stated with his flattest stare. The conductor stepped back.
"Your tickets, sirs." He took one from each of us, making sure I saw the tattoo on his wrist. The Watchers were getting as numerous as rats. I realized that the priest meant they had a tag team Watcher team on me. I bet the reality that I was traveling with three Immortals was going to be big news. I'd be lucky to ever be able to look another Watcher in the eye. Kronos settled his hand on my wrist, rubbing along the tattoo I've always had. I stared at the hand with my best "Death" glare, but it was ignored. I was bored. When I get bored I get irritating. I amused myself by seeing how many times I could "accidentally" kick Caspian before he snapped at me. Kronos' hand tightened around my wrist in silent warning. He stuck a paperback in my lap and settled back to talk with Caspian. I dragged my arm away from him and read. Silas gazed out the window, fascinated by the farms and towns. I couldn't help it, I started to snigger. The damned book was the infamous "Blade of the MacLeods" that Amanda had so thoughtfully told me to find for good blackmail material, in Romanian, no less.
"I thought it was appropriate," Kronos stage whispered.
"It's insipid and horrid."
"You love every drivel filled paragraph. Admit it. Petty revenge is better than no revenge."
"But this… this is just awful." He just laughed and I continued to read the train wreck of a book. Caspian wanted to ask, but didn't. I didn't shake off the possessive arm as the sky darkened. I folded my legs up in the seat and settled down for a nap on Kronos' lap. He and Caspian were debating some political overhaul happening in Russia. It was the drone of their voices that finally lulled me to sleep. It was so painfully familiar. I'd missed the easy acceptance, the decades long arguments, the feeling of brotherhood, and I was going to betray it all. It was enough to make tears sting my eyes. I don't remember the nightmare, only the calming hand brushing through my hair. I opened my eyes and saw Caspian's concerned smile. Silas was asleep.
"Sleep, Little One," Kronos murmered. "You are safe." He didn't ask what the dream was about. I closed my eyes and regulated my breathing. He and Caspian waited until they thought I was asleep to discuss me.
"Nightmares?"
"Every night."
"Have you found the cause yet?"
"No. He's always had nightmares though. Even the first night after I found him. It has something to do with the amnesia, I'm convinced. He won't tell me the dreams. He says they are disjointed." I turned around and the hand tightened on my head slightly, but he didn't seem to find my restlessness odd.
"Does being near you help? Is that why he'd sit in front of your tent until he was too tired to keep his eyes open?"
"As far as I can tell. I think it may have to do with the proximity of the Quickening. That's why when the little witch showed up he was able to sleep."
"How much older do you think he is?"
"No way to tell. The things he remembers." I felt the shrug. "He could have learned it from someone else, just as he learned my tribe's stories from me. He could have been a century or a millenium older. I don't know. And it doesn't matter, in the end he is still mine." I should be used to people thinking they own me. Hell, the Highland brat seems more than willing to order me around, use me for labor when I'm about. It hurt though. Kronos was my father. I was going to make sure he died because of someone else. Damn Jude's plan. No, that's not fair. Damn The Plan. The Diety's damned Plan. The only reason I would go up against any of them. I don't know when I fell asleep. I woke when the conductor slipped the folded piece of paper in my sleeve. He moved my arm out of the aisle and I resettled myself. When he was gone Kronos tugged at a lock of hair. "A message from your organization?"
I nodded and pulled it out. "Mac on his way to Ro. Watch your head. - J. D."
"Does the mortal know then?"
"Hmmm?" I looked up at him. He ran a finger over his throat. "Oh, that. Yes. He's known for a few years now. He keeps secrets well."
"He learned from a master." Kronos grinned down. "Go back to sleep, there's a few hours of darkness left before we reach the station."
"You need to sleep," I told him, sitting up. It was an old pattern. It was my turn to keep watch. He settled down across my lap, gripping my wrist. Always best to keep up appearances. I needed time to think clearly anyways. He fell asleep instantly, trusting me to keep watch over all of them. I couldn't stop the tear from escaping. The conductor watched me from the doorway. He showed me his gun. I looked meaningfully at the people around us. He nodded. He quickly drew something on his clipboard and held it up for me to see. It was Watcher graffitti. The oldest method of communication we had. I decyphered it quickly.
"Watchers aware. Teams to watch round the clock. Will kill to protect the secret." I nodded and carefully held up the dagger. Watcher issue. To kill myself if I needed too. I was too smart to log onto the system using my own codes and I couldn't give Kronos that advantage. I was cut off from the Watchers. It was obvious that they didn't have a watcher on Kronos when he found me or else they'd already know my little secret. The hand on my wrist tightened and I winced. The conductor looked worried. I shook my head and he retreated. I stared out the window into the dark. All I could see was my reflection. I stared into eyes that were too old to belong to the face they rested in.
I could see the dust of battles in my eyes. I could see the pain of too much loss. I saw shadows. I saw evil.
How could I find forgiveness for betraying my brother? Kronos wouldn't even get a kiss in warning.
*****
The trip back to Bordeaux was uneventful. It was once we reached the sub base that Kronos called a hideout I couldn't hide my distaste. It was dark, damp, cold, and surrounded by water. Water and I do not have a positive relationship. I hate water. Water drowns me. It's a mutual dislike. "Swords. Now," Kronos snapped at me. I followed him, shaking off my other concerns. He'd promised me sparring and that is what we were going to do.
He had a practice room. It was the only room with a window. We barely acknowledged one another before the fight was joined. He disarmed me after about half an hour, I came back with my dagger, which of course he expected. He laid his sword against my neck as he held my wrist. "Again."
I collected my sword and we started again. I lasted three-quarters of an hour this time. He shrugged off his jacket and I lost my trench coat, which fell with multiple thumps. He snickered and I shrugged. I wasn't about to give up all my secrets. He drilled me until my hands burned and I could barely grip the sword. "You've gone soft," he said shaking he head.
"I'm a scholar at heart." I was on my knees with his sword at my throat again. I looked up with my best pleading look.
"That doesn't work on me, Little One. Only Silas." He offered me an arm up and I wearily dragged myself to my feet. "Dinner still needs to be cooked," he informed me.
"You can dial a phone," I retorted.
"I've missed your cooking."
"The larder isn't stocked."
"Well, Caspian and you will just have to take care of that." I grabbed my coat and was about to sheath my sword when Kronos stopped me. "I've something to show you." He trotted down the stairs and up another set as I followed at a much more sedate pace. Caspian shook his head in amusement at the two of us. "My round table. You sit here." He placed his sword in front of what was appereantly his space and I followed suit with my own weapon. Silas' axe was at his place and a sword was provided for Caspian. I flopped into my chair and stared blandly at him.
"You are no King Arthur," I informed him.
"Get dinner," he told me. "Take Caspian." The trip to the market was unremarkable as was dinner. Caspian and Silas ate as much as I remembered. I picked at my food, thinking about the beer that Caspian wouldn't let me buy. My weight had dropped already. I was all muscle at the moment. The clothes that were skin tight at the shops were starting to get loose already. Kronos would notice soon. I'd say he was a Jewish mother, but he was around before the Jews. After dinner Kronos wandered off to check his email or something. I settled down with a better book as Caspian wandered around like a restless dog. Silas came bounding up the stairs asking about the stables, or rather, the lack of stables. He and Caspian were about to fight, with weapons, I might add when Kronos came slamming in with his sword in hand to break it up. He reaffirmed the vows with our usual four-way clasp. His hand was harsh on my arm. He took us down to view the virus.
Caspian and Silas were impressed. "You have a plan?" Caspian asked.
"I have a few thoughts. I have a few dollars, enough for a start. Now we have Methos; now we'll have a plan," Kronos responded.
"What did you have in mind?" I asked playing along. I already had three plans drafted for his approval. It was all games. It was always a game.
"Once we rode out of the sun bringing death at the point of a sword. There was no man and no Immortal who could stand before us. We were death on horseback. They called us the end of the world. Well, gentlemen, I want to give them what they fear most — the apocalypse." Kronos was an excellent speaker and he hadn't lost his touch yet. He didn't want it dead, he wanted the world dominated. This virus would do that for him so much more easily.
*****
Kronos and I were up late into the night looking over the resivior pictures I'd gotten from the city's main system. We picked out three spots for the major bomb. I had plenty of pictures of the fairgrounds and we decided the first part of the plan would be there. The bomb that I would give to MacLeod as a distraction to allow Kronos to position his player for the challenge. Of course, neither of us acknowledged that that was why I would see MacLeod the next day. Kronos built the bombs that night. The one to go to the fair would be inactive. Oh, it would explode, but there was no virus contained in it. The water has to be injested for the virus to work. We were marking time so that the other two wouldn't get too restless.
I presented my plan to Caspian's derision and managed to silence him with the larger picture. Kronos liked the build up. He loves words. He loves stories. He named me "thought" after all.
*****
I found Silas in the lab taking care of the monkeys. We talked for a moment. I tried to get myself another ally besides the unknown of MacLeod. It didn’t work. Silas was as addicted to fighting and power as the rest of us. My heart sank. Silas had always been my hope. "For 2000 years, I've dreamed of the day when we would ride again! Like you always said, Methos — we live, we grow stronger, and we fight." I hate when people use my own words against me.
"I'll see you later," I told him.
"Do you think he'll let me have one?" he asked out of the blue.
"What?"
"Monkey. I like this one." Silas always loved animals. He was so generous to everything that wasn't human. Tears pricked behind my eyes. I was always his champion. Another betrayal to come.
"I'll ask him." It was at least one promise that I would be able to keep.
"Thank you, brother."
I went upstairs to find Kronos. "Ready for a spar?" he asked with psychotic cheerfulness.
I sighed as he grabbed my wrist to drag me up to the practice room. "Kronos," I started.
"I don't like whining," he warned.
"I was just going to ask if Silas could have one of the monkeys," I snapped petulently.
"Of course. I don't care. I've done all the trials I wanted to. I was going to use them if we figured out a way to make the virus airborne. Silas can have all of them. He'll be taking care of them anyhow."
"Do we have to spar inside?"
"Yes. Do you really want your little Watcher friends to see you fight?"
"No. I don't want to fight." He backhanded me into the wall. It split my lip and gave me a slight concussion. Both healed quickly. I realized there was a window in the hall and I caught a glimpse of a glint of light off of a pane of glass, or a lens. There were Watchers afoot. And if they'd seen the healing the bag was up. It was time for a message to be sent to Dawson. The old fashioned way. I had two cans of spray paint I'd shoplifted in my things. They'd have to be broken out tonight. No way around it.
The spar was a brutal out and out fight at first, without swords. I managed to get the upper hand and was pounding into his chest when he flipped me and got ahold of my wrists. He snapped one and clipped me against the jaw as it healed. I was knocked out for a few minutes. When I came too, the man was grinning down at me. "Feeling better? Got some of the fight out of you? Time for drills," he prattled on. I growled and got up. I pulled my sword.
"Fine. Stop talking and fight." We just drilled and drilled and drilled. My fingers were numb. My head was aching from the cadence of clashing steel, but I hadn't lost hold of my weapon. Kronos pulled me into a quick hug.
"Much better. We must get you angry more often." It was late that night that I finally managed to slip my leash for a few minutes. I chose the wall nearest to the window. I took a deep breath. Adam Peirson was outing himself as an Immortal. I drew my symbol, a bookworm with oversized glasses and a unicorn on a chain around his neck. An arrow connected it to a guitar on stilts, Joe's tag. I glanced up at the hill and a flash of a lighter flickered three times. The message would get to Joe. I drew an arm on the worm and added a sword. I drew MacLeod's symbol under Joe's, a bull with two horns and a sword at its neck. I scribbled an interconnected "S.O.S." inside the bull and scurried back inside before Kronos could come looking for me. He was waiting in the hallway for me as I rubbed the paint from my fingertips. "Will that keep your Watchers from interfering?
"They won't interfere now that they know I'm Immortal. It's not in the nature of the organization. It will explain why I don't kill myself to keep the Watchers secret.
"Good. I'll send Caspian to set the bomb tomorrow. MacLeod is at the hotel," he informed me softly.
I woke whimpering that night. I hated the room. It was pitch black in the room. The heavy metal door was locked on the outside, like the cell it was. I was panicked and searched for a light switch, which was disconnected. I sank down to my knees, holding myself in. No tears. Kronos doesn't like tears, unless he's created them. I didn't want him angry with me. I felt the trapped rage beginning to build in my chest. I was prepared to take someone's head with my bare hands if I needed to to get free from that room. I didn't cry out to Kronos. I didn't dare show weakness. But all I wanted was someone to make the dark safe. The memories that I could never reach were starting to come to me. My Quickening was difficult to contain. I felt as if I were trying to patch the holes of a sieve. Kronos hurried in, nearly hitting me with door. A trickle of pale light filtered in from the hall. I attacked, rather than welcomed, him. He took the attack for a moment, then fought back. Silas pulled me away. I hissed at him in anger. I wanted my prey. I could barely hold a coherant though. Caspian forced a metal cuff around one wrist and it took all Silas' strength to hold me still until my wrists were pinned behind me. My mouth was filled by the taste of Kronos' blood. Silas still held me, though I was bound. Kronos lifted my chin, forcing calm onto me with years of training. I sank to my knees.
Goddess, I want to go home. Mother, please, I don't want this anymore. You are a cruel bitch! I can't take this! I can't handle this! Please, it's too much. Don't let him lock me up again, I prayed for all I was worth, which isn't all that much. Kronos wiped up a trickle of blood from a cut on my face that must have healed well before. He licked it off of his finger. He waved the others back to their rooms. They should not have interfered in the first place. I wanted Caspian dead. I wanted Kronos dead. I wanted them to live forever. I wanted it all to be over. We stared into the lapping water of the underground lake that flowed under the hall. I shuddered and felt a gentle arm surround my shoulders. Then I was shaking. Kronos led me onto the roof and directed my sight to the stars. After a few minutes, he spoke.
"What happened?"
"It was just so dark. The memories I don't want to see were coming. I couldn't hold my center any longer." I rubbed at the metal cuffs.
"What did you remember?" His voice was gentle. How was I supposed to kill him? Sweet Goddess, I wanted him to live. I knew that he had to be destroyed, but I wanted him to live.
"I remember my first death." That startled him. He looked long into my eyes. I felt him skewer my soul with that one long look. He knew it all then. I saw his eyes grow sad.
"Tell me," he ordered.
"There was a rain. Horrid, pounding rain and I was pulled under the water of a flood. The current tore at my body. I kept coming to the surface, living again, just to be pulled back under until the whole world was the current and the water and the burning in my chest. Then, came the darkness of the cave. I was alive beneath the water. There was black and only black around. I bumped my head on the ceiling, or maybe it was the wall. Up and down were relative. I felt slow and muddled when I tried to move. I felt things brush by me, I didn't know whether they were live or dead. There were mild eddies of water, like summer breezes. I banged into the walls. I starved to death then, again and again. I woke to that same dark wieghtlessness so many times I lost count. I begged for mercy from Ereshkigal, but she didn't heed my calls. I begged Innana to give up her hold on me. Then, one time the water was so low that I could feel air once again on my hand when I reached the surface. Slowly, the water receeded. I tried to stay above the water, but I drowned each time my strength gave out. Eventually, I lay in the cave, on solid ground again. Then, all gets blurred again." I couldn't look at him. I just stared at the skies. He pulled me against his shoulder as I shivered in remembered agony and anger and helplessness.
"Come inside, little one." He unlocked the cuffs and I settled myself in his office with a book and a blanket. He went back to bed. I stared at the words before me, not reading, but not thinking either. I fell asleep a while later. In the fake light of the room, I half-awoke when Caspian tucked the blanket around me and put my book on the desk. He and Kronos left to discuss some plan or other. The placing of the fair bomb, I suppose. A cup of coffee woke me up much later. Caspian was there with a mug of his own. I rubbed at my eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asked with more concern that I thought he could summon. I nodded and sipped the bitter black coffee. "You want to eat or not?"
"No. I'm not hungry." Caspian frowned.
"You're barely at fighting weight, Methos. You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry," I repeated. I didn't want this. I didn't want to like Caspian. I wanted one death to be simple. I didn’t want to miss him when he died. He let the matter drop and left me alone. Kronos nodded to me and I called MacLeod on my cell phone.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Elysium church. Thirty minutes. Come alone," I ordered and hung up. I looked up at Kronos and he nodded. I settled myself in the front row of the church and waited for the noble Highlander to appear. I looked up at the cross and then down at the floor. My hands seemed red with blood already.
"Well, I'm here," MacLeod stated.
"Yeah, thanks."
"Why did you lie to me?" I never lied you little brat, I just never told you everything in my past. You never asked, remember?
"About what?"
"About Cassandra. About who you were."
"I have been many things, MacLeod." I smiled at him
"And who're you now?"
"Why'd you think I didn't tell you? I knew how you'd react. What I've done, you can't forgive." It's not your place, Boy. "That's not in your nature. Will you accept it?" I asked.
"Accept what?! That a friend I trusted with my life slaughtered innocent people for what? A few head of cattle? What are you going to tell me, Methos? That's how the world was?"
"No! The world was how we made it."
"No, the world was how you chose to make it." Isn't that what I had just told him? "How you chose to slaughter her people, and burn her village." We were back to it being a personal vendetta. At least that I could handle. I decided to make it a little more real for him. Tell him the whole story from my perspective, with a few choice details missing. My ex-wife would never approve, but then again, we fight in the same way -- allies and emotional appeals.
"And I chose to take her prisoner." That stopped him.
"And?" he prompted.
"There's more." I began to spin my tale. I told him about Kronos taking her away. How she escaped us. I couldn't stay trapped in the church any longer. I went to the graveyard, a fitting place for the tale, and he followed me like a puppy. Oh, my dear witch, wouldn't you have hated to know that I could still control my audience without any of your little tricks. "I could have stopped her, but I didn't. She escaped across the wilderness, and she must have died a dozen times from heat and thirst before she found a village that would take her in, and I bet it was worth it just to get away from us." I would have followed her example if I'd had the guts then. As it was, I just didn't show up when Kronos was supposed to meet me.
"So what are you doing with Kronos now?" It's always so bloody simple for you. If you split with someone you kill them. Could you have killed Connor, Mac? I need to know.
"Same as always, trying to survive. And if you want Cassandra to live, you'll get her as far away from here as you can."
"What? And let Kronos go?" Let me deal with it you idiot, without having to worry about your head too.
"You don't have a choice, MacLeod. You can't stop him. I can't stop him. Nobody can!"
"Yeah, four guys on horseback are gonna rule the world." Couldn't the boy see I was getting desperate?
"The world doesn't change. Not in 500 years. Not in 5000. It's only the details that change. Kronos didn't torch those villages for a few coins. He torched them to watch them burn." Like he cut me to watch me bleed. "And now he'll have a nuclear bomb or a planeload of Napalm, but the effect will be the same -- the world living in fear of the Horsemen." Why couldn't you listen to all the information I was giving you? Just go to Joe. Go to the government. Give them our descriptions. Warn them that something is coming.
"You expect me just to let that happen? You should know me better than that." Yeah, Highlander, I knew exactly how you'd react. Why couldn't you have been more like me then? Run. Get help. Don't take the world on alone.
"I came to warn you. The first step towards Kronos' brave new world will happen tonight."
"Where? When?" So predictable, Mac. You've got to get a few more masks or you will never survive.
"In a fountain in the Place de Quinconces."
"You set a bomb?" Why could he not believe that? He never saw me as a danger. If I swung my blade at him today, he'd step back, but he still wouldn't fight me. I had to frighten him. Make him see me as Death. Not as the old man.
"Do you know anything about ebola, MacLeod? Well, there are worse things in the world -- if you look." Things that don't just kill you. Things that make you suffer. "And Kronos looked. He's bred a virus. No cure. It's very exotic. He's got cages of monkeys he's been testing it on," I lied through my teeth. "He's got enough to destroy half of Europe. Now a little bit in a fountain will only kill a few -- but it's a start."
"The water supply's next."
"Bright boy."
"Let's go."
"Oh no no no. If I go up against him, I lose."
"Going with the winner." Why did that surprise him, I wonder? I just smiled. "So why are you here, Methos? What game are you playing?" I was pleased that he finally recognized that I was not the little nerd I usually pretend to be.
"It's in the bottom of the fountain, just above the water line. White, then black, then red."
"Don't do this. You have a choice." No, I never had a choice, Mac. If I had a choice, I would let my brothers live. Neutralize them, but let them live.
"And you have 24 minutes." I went back to my teacher. Time to wait for the next move on the board. That was up to Kronos. I hoped he wouldn't disappoint me.
"Your bomb didn't go off. Not much of a plan, was it?" he teased. He knew it wasn't to go off.
"Well, I'll think of better."
"I'm sure you will. Otherwise, I'm going to have to improvise." That was a terrifying thought and I'm sure it showed in my face as he stepped into my space. "By the way, where were you?"
"I was just . . . "
"Warning your friend. You didn't really think I wouldn't know what you'd tell him, did you?"
"It's not like you think it is." It isn't to get him open for you.
"Ah, it's exactly like I think. My dearest brother, that's what make you my perfect right arm -- we think alike. We always have."
"I doubt that," I laughed. "No one thinks quite like you."
"Spoken like a true scholar." He grinned at me. He held up a trigger. "Look at this. All I have to do is punch in a few numbers. A small vial explodes in the reservoir above Bordeaux, and then, well, you know what happens next, don't you?" He was so pleased with his technology. "We all have our own little plans. I'm sure you won't disappoint me. Come with me. I have something else to show you." Goddess, please don't let it be what I think it is, I begged.
We stared down at a cage I didn't know existed. I hadn't been allowed to explore too thoroughly. It was Cassie. "She was asking about you. You knew exactly what you were doing when you sent MacLeod to that fountain, didn't you?" Of course I knew, I thought. I told you as much. "So I did what you expected -- I went and got Cassandra while she was unprotected. That was the plan, wasn't it?" I closed my eyes and nodded. We had discussed it in passing. "You see, I know you better than you know yourself." He made me who I was, of course he knew me.
"Which is why the plan was perfect."
"Your plans always are. I wonder what your friend MacLeod thinks of you now though."
"Think I care?" He despises me because I won't leave one camp for the other.
"You should. You lured him away. When he comes back, he finds that someone has stolen his woman. I mean, if that -- if that was me, I'd want you dead."
"Well then, we should prepare for MacLeod to come here."
"Already thought of that." I was stunned. He seriously didn't expect me to face MacLeod?
"Who did you send? Silas or Caspian."
He grinned at me. "Both." My heart stopped. He ruffled my hair. "Why don't you go visiting. I'll let you know when they get back." He didn't want to see me mourn a man he hated.
I settled on the ledge of Cassandra's cage. She was the only one who wasn't playing games. "You should eat," I commented. She kicked away her bowl. "This is familiar," I sighed. She always did have a temper. I think it's connected to the hair color myself.
"I'm not your sorry little slave anymore. I know what I am now." A bitch. "What you are. You may have fooled MacLeod, but you never fooled me." She never knew me well. So much bitterness wasted. She could have been great.
"I wasn't trying to fool anyone."
"If MacLeod knew what you really are, he'd have taken your head long ago."
"He had his chance. He didn't." I crossed my arms and then tried to offer peace. "It wasn't all bad when we were together."
"I only served you because you forced me."
I shook my head. She was so blind. "Don't hate yourself. Stockholm Syndrome. It's like Patty Hearst. Hostages come to rely on their captors for food, for approval, and they fall in love." She stared at me. I know a little bit about it. Hell, I've been there more than once.
"I never loved you," she protested.
"You thought you did." She stopped cold for a moment. "You thought I would protect you. You forgot what I was." She forgot that Kronos was the leader and that his word was law. She forgot that I was property too.
"I forgot nothing!" She banged on the bars. "I'll take your head with my bare hands -- you and Kronos." She was a snarling child. She could never take Kronos. She couldn't even begin to fight me. How could she imagine that Kronos would be weak enough for her to take?
"I have seen what happens to people that go up against him. If we want to survive, we will keep him happy."
"I didn't do it then, and I won't now. I'd rather die."
"Then you'll die." The stupid, willful bitch. I wanted her to survive this. I wanted her to have a chance to heal. "And you can forget about MacLeod. MacLeod is dead." She sat back in shock and we mourned him together. I knew we were both planning a way to either get free or die trying. It would have been nice if we could have worked it out together. Ereshkigal, Innana, whatever you're going by right now, let him live! I prayed. It was ages before Kronos came to the cage.
"If MacLeod even gets close, kill her."
"He's alive!" Cassie shrieked, echoing my thoughts.
"Not for long." I stood as if he had me on a leash.
"You've failed," she gloated at me. I thought she'd have picked up on it by then.
"Come with me, my clever friend. You and I are going to poison a city." He couldn't blame me for Caspian's death. It had been a fair fight. We left Silas sharpening his axe. I felt MacLeod's approach.
"The three Horsemen of the Apocalypse doesn't exactly have the same ring, now does it, Kronos? What are you gonna do now?"
"You're not going to be around long enough to find out." I stood a step behind Kronos looking up at the man I wished was sure of me. I stared at him, willing him to read my mind.
"Oh, we'll see about that."
"Think of Cassandra. Lay down your sword and she lives. Fight and win -- or lose -- she dies. Come on, MacLeod. Your life for hers, what do you say?"
"I think she'd rather be dead."
"Your call."
"You set me up," the Highlander accused me. I couldn't deny it. He just didn't know I'd been hoping he'd be set up for victory.
"He's the master," Kronos preened, with parental pride. I felt my heart bleeding. "Tell Silas to finish her. And let her know it was MacLeod's decision."
"Methos, don't do this!" He was desperate to believe in me.
"Like you said, I go with the winner." I wanted him to understand that I was supporting him, but how could I say that in front of Kronos? I took off at a sprint. I'm a good runner.
"MacLeod's here?" my favorite brother asked. He dragged Cassandra from her cage. She screeched and looked to me to save her, again. Won't the woman ever learn? I blocked Silas' axe.
"You're challenging me? For the girl's head? Take it. She's yours, brother." Silas would never have gone up against me over a slave. He liked Cassie, in that she was my pet. Beyond that she meant nothing to him. She meant nothing to any of them except me.
"I am not your brother." I hit his blade in challenge. I had to make it clear to him or he would never fight me.
"How can you do this? How can you go against what you are?" It was more painful to hear it from him than Kronos.
"You don't know anything about me!" I snapped to hide the pain. We fought. Every strike felt like a ton of bricks slamming into me. I knew the only way I would beat him was to let him tire himself out and so I danced out of reach. He was angry. I knew he would lose because of his anger, but my own affection for him was getting in the way of a real fight. When I fell down the ramp into the launch room and heard the battle on the cat walk, I thought I was dead. I'd lost hold of my weapon, my hand numb from the strikes.
"Methos!" my father screamed. I looked up, my innocent mask in place. He met my eyes and the room seemed to pause for a year. Then, I snapped out of it and grabbed my sword. "I am the end of time!" he howled. I spun and caught Silas' head in a backswing as MacLeod killed the rest of my family. The Quickenings combined overhead and struck both of us at the same time.
In the end, it all developed from Kronos' intense need to know. He tore himself away from MacLeod and drove himself into me. Agony at his anger and pain from his disappointment mingled with my guilt at Silas' death. I fell to my knees, weeping. "I killed Silas," I moaned. "I liked Silas." Oh, my good and true brother. I'm so sorry. I used your love against you.
I felt Cassie creep up on me, but I didn't care. I wanted to die right then, to be punished for destroying my family. I wanted some else to be responsible. No one ever warned me that The Plan would hurt so badly.
Kronos' presence tore into my mind shearing through the barriers and tearing down the walls that had hidden my memories for so long. I couldn't see them at that moment, but they were there.
I dragged myself to my feet, murmered a prayer over Silas' remains and shoved them into the water. I rinsed off his axe, though he'd drawn no blood on me. I rinsed my sword and stumbled up to Kronos. MacLeod was still sitting, leaning against the catwalk.
"I'm sorry, Father," I whispered. I took his necklace and the trigger for the bomb before he too went into the water.
I leaned against the railing, breathing heavily. Mac's hand on my shoulder made me jerk away in panic. He looked at me with Quickening dazzled eyes. "Mac, there's a bomb at the reservior. I'll show you the maps."
"I'll take care of it," he assured me. I showed him the map and arranged to meet him at a church. I can't even remember the name right now, but I knew it then. It was near the dam. I gathered up all of the data. I knew it might come in handy. I torched out the lab and killed the monkeys. I removed all of my things, our weapons, and packed them into Kronos' SUV. I set the base on fire and waved to the Watcher on the hill. Then, I lost him as I drove to one of my bolt holes to store my things in Paris. I met with MacLeod.
"I got the bomb. I burned the vial." I nodded. "What happened, Methos? Why did you leave it behind?" His voice was more gentle than I expected.
"I left. Kronos left me to study medicine or something. I don't really remember. But as soon as he had been gone for about a year, I packed up and left. I heard that he stayed in the area for a while, hoping I'd come to him. I ran farther."
"But you had to know Kronos would come for you one day."
"I tried not to think about it."
"You could have killed him. Why didn't you?" It was a dramatic change in attitude for the boy. He was finally acknowledging that I could fight. He was wrong. I couldn't beat Kronos. I never could.
"I wanted to, but we were brothers, in arms, in blood, in everything except birth, and if I judged him worthy to die, then I judged myself the same way. And I wanted to live. I still do." I still had things that needed to be done.
"Kronos was right. You set the whole thing up, didn't you?" I looked out from the gate.
"What do you mean?"
"You knew he'd come after Cassandra, and you let him cause you knew I'd come after her. You couldn't kill him, but you hoped I could."
"Maybe," I shrugged and walked away.
"Maybe," the brat snorted. "Methos, what about Cassandra?" I wasn't sure what he meant, but I gave him the answer I thought he could hear.
"One of a thousand regrets, MacLeod. One of a thousand regrets." I regret that I didn't teach her how to kill and Immortal. I regret that I didn't kill her outright. I regret that Kronos ever let me lay eyes on her. I went back to the bookstore with my regrets and tried to sleep. The nightmares were so bad that I ran. I ran to Seacouver. I knew Mac would stay in Paris for a few days, to regain his strength. I knew Joe would be alone. I had to know if I'd lost all of my friends.
FINIS