I was sitting at the bar listening to Joe explain the magic of baseball meditation to me, when I saw her. She was an angel. I wanted to paint her, write poetry, sculpt her. "Three beers," she told Joe.
"Okay, comin' up," he responded.
"Excuse me." Once I had her attention I continued. "If I sat at a table, would you be my waitress?"
"Is he a good tipper?" she asked Joe. As if the man would give her a real answer.
"No," he said with a grin. He has a point. I never officially pay my tab, but I resented him for it.
"Well, too bad," she told me with a sweet little smile as she took up the beers. "Makes up for it in cute though," she added as she walked away. I perked up and Joe's eyes laughed at me. I knew I had just turned into a kid in his eyes, but I didn't care.
"Cute?" I asked him vaguely. "I can do cute." She returned to get another order. I put out my hand and she nearly dropped her glasses to shake it. I found it the most elegant motion I'd ever seen. "I'm, uh, Adam Pierson." I'd nearly told her my real name.
"Where're you from?" I thought that was a good sign. She was at least a little interested. I stumbled over the question though.
"Your accent. You're not from here."
"No, I've travelled a lot." I didn't want to lie to her. I knew I couldn't walk away from her. At least Jude couldn't yell at me for this one. You only get hit with lightening bolts when someone far above you is aiming them.
"Really? Paris?"
"Paris is too full of Parisians. Even the French don't like Paris."
"Venice," she offered next.
"Venice. The smell alone will kill you," I said.
"You're young to be so cynical, aren't you?" I heard the tears in her voice and I knew I had to find a way to make that pain go away. I needed to heal the flower I saw in her heart.
"If you say so," I responded, a little taken aback. I had never meant to hurt her.
"I just did," she snapped and went back to the tables.
I looked to Joe for an explaination. I hadn't thought I was being too much more jaded than she'd have heard from others at Joe's bar. Joe included.
"What did I say?" I didn't want to have hurt her. What I saw in his eyes made me more determined to find out about her.
"Ah, forget it. Alexa's not your type, okay?" I blinked at him and tried to figure out what exactly he thought my type was. Alexa wouldn't meet my eyes for the rest of the night, so I tried to ignore her. Joe knew I was caught up, but he didn't do anything except try to slip me non-alcoholic beers every once and awhile. I guess I was knocking them back too quickly. The other waitress watched me with concern, but I didn't show any signs of my supposed drunkenness. She left after the lunch crowd. I stayed on. MacLeod showed up with his pretty prodigy. I tried to be interested in her for his sake, but my mind was so far away that I can't remember what I actually said to him. The little one was being threatened, but she had her clan chieftain to protect her so she was not my problem.
Eventually, we went back to Mac's loft. "Alexa," I said out loud, when he noticed my abstraction. "See even her name is beautiful." I felt like Romeo seeing Juliet for the first time. "There was something you know. There's a --- there's a spark. I wonder if she felt it? I mean I -- I don't want to make a fool of myself." As if I weren't already. "You ever feel like that?" I asked him. Mac's had more lady loves than I ever had. Not sex mind you, just actual romances.
"A couple of times." He seemed somewhat bemused. I leaned against his counter. "I don’t see what the problem is."
"What if she doesn't like me?" I pleaded.
"What if she does?" He was laughing at me. Bastard. "What am I going to tell her?" he asked me, nodding at his kid.
"How about the truth?" I suggested. "At least then she'd know what she's facing."
"Yeah," Mac sighed. "It'd be nice if she had a semblance of a normal life. Once she finds out what she is, that becomes impossible."
"You can't keep her here forever." Gilded cages are just prettier, not nicer. I should know, I've sampled both. His little one is too used to being famous. His pet genius, set in her ways. I know what that's like too.
As if to prove my point she piped up, "Duncan, I'm tired and I'm bored of being locked up in this dump. No offense." I drifted away, half listening to her plans for the evening. MacLeod finally agreed to something. As if he could refuse her. "Oh, let's go to Bonatelli's. Would you call them and have them hold my table? And your friend can come along if he'd like," she added belatedly.
I roused myself, I had plots to enact. "Uh, no thank you. I have plans."
She couldn't believe that I was refusing to go out with a famous person. "Seriously?"
"Totally."
"Really?"
"Absolutely." I had a waitress to charm. Besides, I wanted to keep a low profile which would be impossible with them. I contemplated what to say to Alexa for a while and then went to Joe's. I figured out which area was hers with the help of Joe's senior waitress, who happens to be a bit of a matchmaker. I seemed to fit her criteria for Alexa.
I was nervous when she finally approached me. She was late. I never asked why.
"Well, either you like to drink or you're crazy about the blues." Well, both actually, but that's not why I had come.
"No, I was waiting for you." She didn't respond. "I see I leave you speechless. This is an excellent start."
"Start to what?" she asked. Her eyes sparkled with an almost abandoned hope.
"To dinner, a film, a concert, a smile, a sunset, a walk," I counted out on my fingers, "Ah, all of the above, whatever you would like." She giggled.
"Do women really fall for that line?" I had worked all day to come up with it, so I hoped so.
"I have no idea. I've never used it before." It was tailored strictly to you, Lex.
"Never is a really long time." There was a sadness that I couldn't understand. I know what forever is. I know what never is. My heart felt as if she'd given it a wrench.
"Well, to the best of my recollection."
"I'm waiting." She said, not answering my foray.
"I'll have a draft beer, please," I answered, nearly giving up hope.
"One draft beer."
"Yeah, I got it!" Joe called. I knew he'd been listening and that all of this would soon be immortalized, if you'll forget the pun, in Joe's journal about me.
"Why do you want to go out with me?" she asked.
"Because the alternative is unthinkable." Please don't turn me down, I begged with my eyes. I promised candles and wine to Astarte.
"Okay. Tomorrow, if Joe lets me have it off."
"Oh, no, he will. I have pull here." I went over to the bar. "Looks like you were wrong. Turns out she is my type," I told him.
"I don't know. It looked like a lot of arm twisting to me." You don't have any concept of how hard it is to get rid of me if I set my sights on you, Joe. This was a cake walk.
"A girl like that, you're lucky if you find one every 10 lifetimes. Joe? Joe, what? You got some kind of house rule about dating the help? What?" I knew the answer was her sadness.
"Alexa is dying." Of course. It's not the first time. Her flame was burning high and fast. Transparent. But it didn't matter then and it wouldn't matter now. I would always lose her. I just had to go away to find my center for a few minutes. I went to my spot on the roof. I'd staked it out many years ago, when Don and I visited Joe in the states. You can see the stars from there.
I sat in the rain, listening to Kansas. I stared out over the city, not seeing it. The more the world changes, the more it becomes the same. The buildings here, look like New York, Paris, London, and all the other major cities I've ever visited. I had a blanket with me, in case it got too cold to sit on the stone bench. But the rain trickled down my neck and soaked my hair. I just prayed for the strength to see it through to the end. As I told Alexa, the alternative was unthinkable. I needed to spend as much time with her as possible. I looked up when the rain didn't fall on my arm. I pulled off my headphones. "Hi," I said with a smile.
"Joe said I'd find you up here," she stated.
"Lucky guess," I replied, "or else I've become horribly predictable. Pull up a slab," I said arranging the blanket into a cushion. "This is nice isn't it?"
"I'm a little concerned about something." It showed in her face and her tense body. I just wanted to see her smile.
"Yeah, I sense that," I told her.
"This date we're supposed to go on, I don't think it's a very good idea."
"Don't you like me -- a little?" My heart started to pound. I could never force myself on her.
"It's not that."
"It's my nose, isn't it? Yep, it's my nose." My least favorite feature on my face. It makes me too noticable.
"No, it's not your nose. You have a very nice nose." She gave me this little "you are so silly" smile.
"It's because you think I'm English. It's my accent. Uh, I don't have to be English." I'm not English. "I can be Russian." I spoke in Russian, then translated it for her, "that means Is this the right platform for the train to Karkoff?" She laughed, which had been my aim.
"You're outrageous!"
"Russian doesn't turn you on. Okay, I can do it in Swahili. Except if I was speaking Swahili, why would I be wanting a train to Karkoff. Uh, Lithuanian? Farsi?"
"Please. Don't make me laugh."
"Why not?" She had a beautiful musical laugh like windchimes, or flutes. I wanted to hear it sparkling from her lips again.
"Because it's not fair."
"It rarely is." Life has never been fair. If it were Joe would be immortal. Don wouldn't have been murdered. Kronos would never have found me. Jude would never have to kill.
"I'm sorry."
"What? Tell me."
"I'm dying." I nodded and reached to touch her cheek. "You see don't you? We can't go out tomorrow."
"Absolutely. We'd better make it tonight." No reason for her to give up on life just because it was short. I could die tomorrow by someone's sword. Today is all we ever have. She seemed so surprised that someone could still want to be with someone who was dying. It was her defense against the world I suppose.
I called Jude and burbled over about Alexa. He just listened and made the proper supportive noises and then hung up on me when I started quoting poetry. Granted it was dreadfully sappy Greek poems, but I didn't see how he was justified in hanging up on me. I gave Astarte the promised candles and wine. Later that day at Joe's bar and walking in on the newly immortal Claudia. "Don't say a word," Mac growled at me as they left.
"Oops," I sniggered. "Where's Alexa. We have a date."
"She called in sick."
"Where does she live?" I asked. Joe frowned at me.
"Adam, she doesn't want to see you, okay? Just leave her alone."
"Joe, I didn't ask for your opinion. I know she's dying, okay? You are all dying. Twenty years. Six months. What's the difference?" I'm going to lose you too Joe, I thought. I have outlived every woman I have ever loved.
"She's protecting herself. She's protecting you, don't you get it?" She was just trying to die before her time.
"Yes, I get it. Now tell me where she lives." Joe could never withstand me and he knew that if he didn't tell me, I'd just search the bar records until I found her. It was just a matter of time and his ability to deny knowing me.
I rang her bell, armed with presents. "Hi. Am I late?" I asked her, pretending she hadn't been avoiding me.
"Only about a year. You shouldn't have come."
"Hiding your husband in there, is that what's going on? Lover? Boyfriend? Seven dwarves?" I wanted to see her smile.
"That's exactly what I'm doing. Hiding my husband, my boyfriend, my lover, and the seven dwarves."
"I can take 'em on. I'm not afraid." I struck a ridiculus pose for a few seconds.
"I shouldn't have agreed to see you. It's stupid really."
"Why?"
"Because you don't need to be a witness to what I'm going through. It's going to get ugly." There is no type of death I've never seen, I wanted to scream at her. I've been there. I've seen it all. I've experienced much of it.
"You look beautiful to me. Look, whatever it is you're going through, I can handle it, if you let me." I was a doctor. I was a priest. I was a killer. I can handle it if I get the chance.
"Why would you want to?" She couldn't believe that anyone would voluntarily get involved with someone who was dying. She'd been hurt too often I was sure. Careless words, broken dates, I could see it in her eyes.
"Because the alternative is unthinkable. How long?"
"Less than a year. They don't know. Do you ever just with time could stand still?" All the time, my love. I have always wanted to stop time, live in the moment. Tonight, Gods willing, we would do that. I just handed her my surprise, rather than talking.
"Plane tickets?"
"Anywhere you like. Everywhere, if there's time."
"It's not that easy."
"Yes, it is. You spend whatever time you have left dying or you spend it living -- with me. Please. Say you'll come with me, Alexa," I begged. I had the money. That was not the issue. I have friends, they have connections. I was willing to steal to have her with me. Rob from the rich, give to the poor. There is nothing I would not do for her.
She nodded with tears in her eyes. I stepped forward and brushed them away from her cheeks. "Come in," she said opening the door. She introduced me to her roommates. Two young women from the university, where Alexa, it turned out, had been studying Art History. They were more than willing to aid and abet my maneuvers to get her ready to leave the next day. Almost within moments of meeting me they were making lists of things to pack. Alexa was laughing at the audacity of just up and leaving the town. I asked her to get a map and we decided on where we would go until we reached New York and took a flight to Egypt. I left her sleeping with a half-packed bag and a box of medications.
I didn't sleep that night. I was too busy calling in favors. I found an old VW van and liquidated some of my assets. I called Joe to gloat. I called MacLeod and left a message for him to meet us the next day. We would leave from Joe's bar so Alexa could say her goodbyes. I drafted a request for a leave of absence to the Watcher. Or rather, I told them that if they didn't give me the time off, I'd quit. I called Jude and burbled at him for a half an hour before I realized that he was asleep on the other end of the phone and hung up. I jammed my things into my duffel bag and drew up a plan for the next day. We were planning to leave by noon. I located a listing of hospitals in the United States. I eventually fell asleep on top of my papers.
By the time I met Alexa at Joe's I had file folders of her medical information that I was afraid would explode. "Ready for our tour of the new world?" I asked her.
She gave me a small smile. "I guess. Is Joe around?"
"He'll be here, don't worry. There he is now." I pointed to Joe as he got out of his car. Alexa smiled. He was as much her father as he likes to pretend to be mine. She waved to him. She was huddled in her blue jacket next to the van.
"We're going coast to coast in a van. Adam likes to call it our tour of the new world," she told him. There were tears in her eyes.
"Well, it's all new to you, isn't it?" She'd never been out of Seacouver. I thought that was probably the saddest thing I'd ever heard. I'm a nomad at heart.
"Sounds great. Then what?" Gods bless Joe for knowing when to let go.
"Egypt," I answered, putting my arm around her.
"Isn't that romantic?" She leaned against me a little bit. She'll love me if she stays with me long enough.
"Well, he's certainly the man to take you."
"Thanks, Joe."
"Yeah." This is getting hard on him. He never likes to see me leave. He's afraid I won't come back and I can see that in his face. He's afraid this is goodbye for us too. I drifted off to talk to Mac for a minute while Alexa and Joe said goodbye.
"It's not long enough," I said softly.
"It never is," he reminded me. "You take it easy." I heard the "watch your head" in the phrase. I nodded and went to make Alexa smile. Then, I got into the van and we drove away.
FINIS