I can’t believe I’m sitting here. I can’t believe that I’m sitting here, worried stiff about three of my agents. I never used to care. Agents were disposable. That’s what I always knew, then one very annoying green-eyed ex-cop came here. It’s all Victor’s fault.
I should have realized it the moment I laid eyes on him in that prison. There was something different about him. After all he had seen, there was still innocence in him. Some how the little brat got under my skin. I really should have let the Cleaners deal with him, but he was so useful. Then he started to show me the parts that I had locked away, compassion, caring, tenderness. I could hate him for that, but he is a hard man to hate.
Some times I wonder about that. Even the other Directors that think I should have had him killed when he proved to be so much trouble actually like him. I don’t know many who dislike him; after all he even got Nathan to trust him. He is so good with Nathan, if it wasn’t for Victor I probably would have had Nathan killed by now, but Victor manages to get information out of the man.
Victor Mansfield, a walking contradiction. If you just go by first glance he seems to be a pretty little thing with very little brains and common sense. He seems to be easily confused and can become lost in conversations. But we were all told as children not to judge a book by its cover. Not that I’m saying he isn’t pretty, he is. Not that Victor ever realizes it. I would like to find the assholes that made Victor so self-depreciating and hang them up by their toenails.
The fascinating thing with Victor, is that you never know whom you are talking to. At one moment you will be talking to Victor, then Cory will show, then you will say something wrong and Alex shows up. Each one is a completely different person, but then I guess that is the case with all multiple personalities. Victor is the original personality. He is the sweet one, the one you can count on in a pinch, and an all around nice guy. He’s the one that everyone likes. You can’t really stay mad at him; he does the pouting thing that I’m still trying to figure out. Cory is a flirt. From what Victor has told me, Cory was the third personality to appear. He showed up, when Victor was forced to do some things that make even my stomach turn. It amazes me that he is able to find fun in life. Cory thinks that everything is a joke, that is it just for fun, and it shows. His eyes twinkle and shine; they actually look like expensive emeralds. He is completely amoral. My kind of man, and uh we won’t discuss what other things make him my kind of man, that’s extremely personal. Unless you are willing to pay for the tapes.
The final personality to show, and the one that the Agency can take credit for is Alex Krycek. He was supposed to be the perfect soldier, cold and unfeeling. Boy did we screw up on that one. Oh Alex is cold, but unfeeling he is not. He feels, he feels a lot. Rage mostly. I know he wants to kill the people that have done the things to Victor and he doesn’t want to make it quick. Alex was trained by the Cleaners, our most professional assassins. Sometimes I think they trained him too well. Alex would never hurt the ones that Victor cares for, however. Alex is like the overly protective big brother to Victor, Cory, and the Boy. The Boy. He is the one I know the least about. Victor said that he was the first personality to show. Victor doesn’t remember how old he was when the Boy showed up, but I have to admit I am grateful for the child. He is the only thing that keeps Victor from what those assholes did to him. The Boy doesn’t speak, I’m not sure he even knows how to. But he takes the pain and the suffering. He keeps the others sane.
Victor is the one I have the most hopes and plans for. You see, for all of his innocence he is very devious. He would make a wonderful director, and I intend to make sure that one-day he takes over my place. That is after I’ve taken over as the Head. Victor knows when you need to tell all of the information and when to keep it close to the vest. I know that he hasn’t told his partners everything about it, and that is a good thing. It would be bad for the future assistants of the future Director of North America to know too much about him. Yes, as much as I can’t believe it, I already know who his assistants are going to be. Yes, Victor Mansfield softened me up for his partners to take over when they arrived. The first of his partners to arrive was Li Ann Tsei. A beautiful young woman, who at first glance showed so much potential. I was thinking of training her to take over as the Director of Asia, but she disappointed me. She can’t seem to think of the large picture. She thinks very small, mainly about herself. It doesn’t matter what I’ve tried I can’t break her of that. I have to admit I was most disappointed in Victor when he got engaged to her, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Victor needs someone who will take care of him and give him the love and attention that was missing for all of his life, I’ve tried to do that, but I’m his supervisor, there is only so much I can do. Li Ann is not the type to concern herself with anyone else, that is one plus for her being a Director. Probably the only plus. She is beautiful though and makes great bait for certain traps.
As much as she has disappointed me, she got under my skin as well. Well, truthfully I think that is Victor’s fault. I probably wouldn’t care about her so much if it wasn’t for the green-eyed sorcerer. She has become one of my children. That thought it enough to make me shudder. I never thought of myself as being maternal, but this group of agents is showing me that I am. The last one to show was Mac Ramsey. Mac was Li Ann’s adoptive brother. They where both brought up in the same crime family in Hong Kong. They believed they were in love, then they both thought the other was dead. That was when I approached Li Ann. I didn’t go after Mac for another year. I decided the jail time might be good for him. That didn’t work, I don’t think jail changed him at all. He is annoying, obnoxious, and immature. But for some reason I will never understand, Victor fell in love with him. I guess that saying that opposites attract is true. They do make a cute couple though. A couple of what I’m not sure.
Okay, now I know I need sleep, I’m making bad jokes to myself. What was I talking about? Oh yes, Mac Ramsey. I was starting to think that Mac and Victor would never get along. First it seemed like they were fighting over Li Ann, then it seemed like they were fighting because it was habit. I was seriously thinking about dropping them in the middle of the Arctic until they started getting along. Then I noticed something about the arguments. Something no one else did, and the only reason I noticed was that I know Victor so very well. They weren’t trying to piss each other off, they were trying to turn each other on. It was their way of flirting. Once I realized that, I thought it was rather cute the way they would go after one another.
I’m not sure why Mac got under my skin. I don’t know if it was just him, or if it was the same thing with Li Ann, that Victor made sure that it would happen, or a mixture. I’m betting on the mix. For all of their differences they make a good team. The best team I have. They need each other. Each has something to contribute that the others can’t. They are too many to list but I know they are there. I’ve been asked many times why I let them get away with so much. The reason is that they are not disposable. That if they were to die I would never in a thousand years find a team like them.
That’s why I find myself sitting in the waiting room of the Agency hospital. Waiting to see if my best team will live. They were drawn into an ambush. A bomb had been planted just for them. Oh this is much worse then the whole thing with Poochie. They had walked out of that explosion. This one they were carried out of unconscious. Actually Victor had to be given CPR, he was unresponsive.
So I sit here, waiting for the doctor to come out to tell me if I will no longer have my best and favorite team. I have to admit, I’m a great actress, if you walked past you would never know that I was worried. You would just see a bored woman sitting here. You would never know that my stomach was tying itself into knots. You would never know that after the doctor comes out to tell me that my team will live, and they will or I will kill them myself, I will go up to my office and quietly cry my eyes out. Of course I'll tell myself that I’m not really worried. I was only crying because of the training hours put into them that would have been lost. Not because I would have missed my children, that I actually care for them, maybe even love them.
END