"I don’t know who you are, Methos?" I muttered to myself as I zipped shut my suitbag. "I'm the world's oldest fucking man! I was your friend you miserable donkey's ass." I shoved my latest journal into my backpack. I stacked up all my books with years of practice. My oldest journals and most of my artwork were carefully stored elsewhere. Kalas had ratcheted up my paranoia.
I was still cursing the stubborn Highland brat when I felt his presence at my door. He summoned me with his knock. "What?" I snapped as I yanked open the door. MacLeod had the good sense to step back.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"I think you've sufficiently summed up your feelings, Highlander."
"No, I haven't. Just let me talk and you can get back to what you were doing." He stepped in and I shut and locked the door behind him. I felt the cold of his blade against my throat and stilled.
I wasn't afraid. I wasn't angry. I wanted him to do it. To prove to himself he was a monster. I know I turned into the blade. It's what Kronos would have wanted, what Claudius tried to train into me, and what Darius had beaten out of me. He stared at the blood the healing left on my throat and his blade. "Well?" I demanded as if he weren't threatening me.
"I want to know who you are."
"I am Methos. I am Death. I am Doc Adams. I am Dimuzzi. I am Pierson. I am more than you can imagine."
"You talked to Ahriman."
"Is that what you saw?"
"Yes. Why weren't you tested like Joe? Or Amanda?"
"What makes you think I wasn't?" I hissed. I felt Death rearing up in my head. This child needed discipline and I was going to provide it. "Do it, MacLeod," I purred, rubbing against the blade. "You killed my father and my student. You missed a link. Just pull back your arm and swing."
His eyes grew very wide as he pulled the blade away. His discomfort made me smile. I wondered if he could feel the Darkness rising within him. I could almost taste the rush of power that tempted him. I stepped closer. For once, I knew I was in complete control. I wasn't Adam Pierson. I wasn't the wreck Kronos left. I was Methos and I was pissed.
"What's wrong, Child?" I cooed in an approximation of Claudius' sickening purr.
"What is wrong, Methos?"
"Naughty. Naughty. Answer my question, boy!"
He licked his lips. I wiped up a drop of blood and idly licked it off my finger. I crossed my arms and tapped my foot. "You talked to Ahriman. If I didn't know better I'd say you were him."
"Haven't you figured it out? He is in you. He is a part of you. He is a part of all of us!" I clamped my mouth shut and sent a … prayer right to Set: Thanks, you bastard!
"You knew. You knew all along!" He growled at me. "You could have saved Richie!"
I laughed, wildly, hysterically, until he slapped me.
"There's nothing funny about this."
"You think I could have saved the brat? Me? Against God?"
"Ahriman didn't test you." I just shook my head.
"Oh, MacLeod, can't you see… No, of course not. You don't know who or what I am after all." He had the decency to look chagrined.
"Then help me to understand. Why did you turn away from all of us when this demon came? You knew he was real! You knew what he was capable of!"
"Set is just another face of the Goddess I have served my entire life. Set came to me in my worst time. Set kept me sane, fed my strength. Set was my only friend after I left…" My words got stuck in my throat. "Get out! Just go. I don't owe you anything. Jude is right you are like Kronos. I've just been too blinded by the fact that your goals are different. Just leave. Oh, tell Joe I'll see him around." I turned my back and returned to my packing. There wasn't a whole lot left.
"So you're just running away."
"No. I'm moving. The Watchers aren't paying me a stipend and Adam Pierson can't afford this place without that."
"Methos?" his brow was wrinkled. He realized he was missing something. There was a blatant attempt to try to work it out by staring at empty bookshelves. He noticed the bottle of champagne and the leather bound manuscript on my coffee-table. My heart sank. I hadn't wanted him to find out like that. "Dr. Pierson," he said softly. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You weren't talking to me at the time." I snatched the thesis out of his hands. "It's not like it's important. Adam Pierson would be nobody if he weren't considered the newest MacLeod student." I hugged the book to my chest as I stood there. Books are my security blanket.
"Who went to your graduation?"
"My watcher," I admitted and turned to store the last remnant of Adam Pierson into a box. "I start at Johns Hopkins in the fall."
"You're teaching?" I shook my head.
"Pre-Med." He blinked.
"You're starting over?"
"I've been Adam Pierson for 16 years. It's just time."
"Without even saying goodbye?" he growled. I heard the hurt.
"Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod!" I snapped, "don't judge me. I have survived 5,000 years. I know when people start to notice. I'm getting comments about having good genes already. I wasn't a middle-aged warrior when I died MacLeod. I was probably not even twenty. Life was short and mean when I died Mac. I was probably Richie's age and if you stopped seeing Methos and looked at me you'd understand!"
The katana disappeared into his coat and he did look at me. His eyes weren't assessing me as a fighter or looking for the myth. His face blanched. "Oh, God."
"I'm not Richie, Mac. I don't need or want your protection," I stated. I knew the picture I made, a backpack in one hand, jeans, an oversized sweater and battered boots – my face not twisted by a cynical or knowing smile. I refer to it as my "Innocent Mask." I've made murderous generals want to protect me with it. It doesn't work on Jude, but nothing ever does. I tossed the bag on the couch as I passed MacLeod. His eyes were drawn to the pin: "The Wheel of History." "You can take the contents of my fridge with you when you go."
"Why do you think I'm like Kronos?" He asked when the counter was between us.
"Because I…" I shut my eyes. "oh, Mac, how can I explain when you don't even understand the facts of the Horsemen?"
"You could tell me why you joined." I blinked at him.
"Joined? It wasn't like an army or something. Kronos wanted to raid. He picked up Caspian and Silas when I was in Egypt studying medicine."
"Why did you join Kronos?" he asked a hint of impatience creeping into his voice. I felt the lack of weapon very keenly at that moment. I leaned against the icebox and looked at the floor.
"Kronos was my father. After my first Quickening, I lost my memory. I didn't know my name. I didn't know the Rules. He named me and trained me. He soothed away my fear of the dark and beat in serving lessons." My voice rattled. My hands were shaking. The loss of Kronos finally seemed to sink in. I'd been mourning Silas and Alexa, and Byron, but I couldn't admit that my friend killed my father. I didn't remember sliding to the floor. All I could see was blood on my hands, all I could hear was his laugh.
MacLeod was calling my name urgently and I curled in on myself submissive and protective all at once. He tried to put his arms around me. I snapped his neck. "Shit." I pushed his hair back from his face. At least it was Mac and not Joe.
I sat back on my heels and crossed my wrists on top of my knees. He came gasping back to life. I didn't move. "You seem to have a bad habit of killing me," he stated drily.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I heal," he sighed sitting up. He looked at me curiously. "What are.. It's okay, Methos." Dying seemed to have improved his mood. I can't say killing him had improved mine. Jude swears up and down that it should, but I just end up feeling guilty. Sean Burns claimed I need a priest. Darius thought I needed a shrink. Come to think of it, running Darius through did make me feel better. Maybe it has to do with the fact I haven't been able to detach from the boy. Mac very slowly reached out and separated my wrists. "I'm hoping this reaction isn't normal for you. I'd hate to see you lose your head over a little death between friends. Who…? No, don't answer."
I laughed. "Darius. It always stopped him from killing me." Brown eyes snapped to mine. "He raided my master's lands. I defended them. I impressed him. I became his pet tactician and sparring partner. Bastard never let me keep a sword though," I mused aloud.
"D-Darius?" he spluttered.
"Slavery's only been illegal for a few centuries, you know," I teased. "He killed my master and took his property. Actually, he treated me better than any of my other masters. Taught me Immortal equality. Jude would never have turned out half as well if Darius hadn't set me free." Apparently, I'd made more peace with Darius than I'd thought.
"Well, you might be fine on the floor, Old Man, but I'm going to find a seat."
"Would you like something to drink?"
"Sure. Beer?"
"What else would I keep around here?" I opened two bottles dumping the caps in the trash.
"Why do you throw them behind my refridgerator?" I debated, then answered with the truth.
"So you can't ignore me." That stopped him cold. He seemed to be thinking about something.
"I still do though don't I?" I nodded. "But Joe…" I sighed.
"Joe listens, then laughs off the parts that he doesn't believe. He's still trying to blend his parental instinct with his respect. No offense, honest, but Joe's an equal. I accept his coddling and prodding and bossiness because he knew Adam Pierson for ten years. He was my mentor when he worked at the bookstore with Don. We play poker together and laughed over the Chronicled exploits of Cory Raines and Hugh Fitzcairn. There is no need for competition or domination or any of that. He always respected my mind. I've admired his courage. You are different. You walked into my apartment and the first thing you wanted to do was protect me. I offered you my head and you disregarded me. I offered advice and you ignored me. I left my dying wife to save your ass and you accused me of stalking Amanda! And I was stupid enough to keep coming back."
"Why?" the question caught me off guard and I took a sip of beer. I hopped up onto the counter and sat tailor style. Duncan was sitting in the armchair watching me. I donned my "Inscrutable Eldest" smile.
"Why do you think?"
"You claim I'm too important to lose, but I'm thinking that's just a convenience. I think you're trying to prove yourself."
"Explain."
"Jude hates me and you don’t want to lose him."
"Immaterial to the discussion."
"You're trying to prove that he's wrong."
"Meaning?"
"You're trying to prove that I'm not Kronos."
"And failing miserably," I agreed cheerfully.
"What do you mean by that?"
"A strong-minded, stubborn, willful man who believes that he is right and in control of all the people he surrounds himself with." Mac blinked. "But Jude's wrong. You're much more like Darius than Kronos. Kronos loved me like a son. Darius was affectionate, but saw me as a student or an underling."
"What does the phrase 'hunting cat' have to do with the Horsemen? I have these nightmares." I gulped my beer.
"Caspian," I stated. "He called me Kronos' hunting cat. They're just Quickening traces. They'll fade. If Ahriman hadn't used a vision of Kronos there wouldn't…" I looked at him sharply. "Tell me."
He shifted uncomfortably. I watched him with patient curiosity. "I had a dream… vision… visitation… something like that."
"And?"
"I took your head."
"Really?" I drawled. "I think you'd better begin at the beginning."
"Fitz was there. He said he would show me a world in which I had never existed."
"You've been watching old movies again, haven't you." He frowned at me. "And what was this Duncanless world like?"
"Amanda became a black widow and was killed by Hunters. Joe was out of the Watchers and living on the streets. Tessa was in a loveless marriage. Fitz was dead." The boy stopped.
"And?" I prompted.
"Richie died the first time at the hands of a jealous husband. He ran and ended up in Paris. Where…"
"Where?"
"After the Hunters killed your fiancee, Kronos killed the Hunters to save your life. You and he…"
"Went into the world conquering business?" He nodded.
"And took on Richie. You eventually sent him to kill Joe and when he couldn't you took his head. I Challenged you and took your head. Then Fitz told me… He said just to look up."
"For God?" I asked gently.
"For you." I blinked at that.
"Me?"
"You were there, just like usual to save my ass. Joe and Amanda knew you'd come. I thought you'd run."
"You don't know me and that's likely my fault." I picked at the label of the bottle.
"You've been protecting me. I know that." He looked away in embarrassment. He took of his coat and folded it onto the coffeetable. "I don't know why."
"Because you are important."
"Why did you talk to Ahriman? What was your test?"
"Why should I tell you?" I was curious.
"Because you're my friend."
"Can you be a friend to someone you don't know?" I mused.
"Yes."
"To stay out of it. To follow my orders and keep to the path I'm supposed to follow. Set taunts me and fights with me. Messes up my dreams and unsettles my moods. He also supports me when I can't hold onto my core. Set tests Champions. That's plural Duncan. You, Joe, Amanda, Richie, all of you were tested. You weren't the first. You probably won't be the last."
"Set tested you once didn't he?"
"Yes."
"What was it like?"
"Like going insane. One difference. I've met Incarnate Deities before. I know when I meet one. Not doing what Set whispered in my ear was painful, but my instincts told me to wait and hold on."
"What did he tell you?"
"To kill my master's family before Challenging him." The ruthlessness of my tone surprised me.
"Your master? Not Darius, you'd throw that in my face. Who then?"
"Claudius," I spat out the name. "One of the Emperor's favored advisors. Until Ceasar was removed from office and Darius was sent to clean out the loose ends. Claudius' holdings included. I organized the household to hold off the army. Impressed the general. Managed to save the youngest child. My best student. She was only seven. Her mother died in childbirth. The master adopted her as his own. It was assumed she was his bastard. Best archer of the lot. She killed six soldiers before her mother had to pull them back."
"You taught a child to kill?" I didn't take offence at the judgement.
"She'd have been married in three years, MacLeod. She had to be able to direct her husband's guards and defend herself in case of emergency." I shook my head. "She was betrothed to a senator. Come to think of it, the senator was executed for treason." I was distracted by my memories. It took a minute for Mac's question to sink in.
"How did you save her?"
"She was running from a soldier, bow and arrows on her back. He raised his sword to swing and I yelled, 'Antigone, roll.' She dropped and rolled away from the blade. I put a dagger through the bastard's throat from twenty paces. The whole time with Darius' sword at my throat. He laughed and told me that if I was willing to risk my head for a kitling, I should keep her."
"Did you Challenge Darius?"
"Mac, I didn't even have a sword. Besides, I was valuable enough not to kill. Tutors were expensive. If I hadn't fought, I'd have been sold again." I shrugged. "He'd heard of me. Methos, the Horseman. And Claudius' battle-planner. Claudius never got my name from me," I gloated.
"Battle planner?"
"I taught his children military tactics as well as reading, writing, rhetoric, logic, and sports. Claudius was impressed by my ideas. He had me go over his plans. You took my head because I killed Richie or because I threatened Joe?"
"Killed Richie. And you were Death."
"I am Death. I will always be Death. And how do you think my knowing you or your existence changed me enough to just fall in with Kronos?"
"There was no one to turn to when Jillian died."
"Jillian? Jillian the Watcher? Dark hair? Pretty little thing?"
"Yes. I watched you ask her to marry you." I was in shock. I knew damn well I'd never mentioned her to him and Joe wouldn't have told him.
"She's dead, Mac. She died nine years ago. She was killed by a Quickening accident."
"Who's?"
"I don't remember." My face must have told him.
"You were engaged." I nodded.
"Helped keep me out of the field. Joe and Don were there when we met, when we announced our engagement, and when I buried her. That's why Joe didn't want me to get involved with Alexa."
"I didn't know Joe didn't want… What is the longest relationship you've had?"
"Romantic? Twenty-three years, 14 weeks, 2 days."
"And how did that end?"
"She lost her head, I revenged her, and Kronos found me."
"You remember!"
"After the… incident."
"That… Kronos isn't in my head is he?"
"His energy, the Quickenings he took, those are yours, but he's up here." I tapped my temple. "He broke the barriers. I started to remember after that. She was my teacher at first, but I taught her my tricks too and we became partners for a few centuries. Then, lovers."
"How did you meet her?"
"She killed my teacher."
"You went with the winner?"
"Oh, Yes. Now, you can help me pack up the car. My flight leaves at 6 am." MacLeod snorted.
"Do you even know that hour of the morning?"
"I do stay up that late some mornings. I need the suit bag, the duffle and my backpack. The movers will be by to put my things into storage. I opened the closet and got my coat. My skateboard clattered to the floor and I kicked it upright with an ingrained reflex. Unfortunately, that exposed the picture: A skull of blue and white with "Rev. 6:8" in black out-lined blood red "dripping" letters. Mac stared at it. I closed the door, or started to, when the man stopped it.
"What on earth were you thinking?"
"My crew liked the design actually. It made a splash and ticked off my professors because I made good grades." I shrugged. "Then, I transferred majors and universities. Had to lose the board."
"Methos?" I rolled my eyes.
"Listen. It's nothing. Just a joke on the world. If I brooded over the past every time I thought of it, I'd never talk or smile or laugh. Get over it, Mac. It's done."
"Did Richie know you could skate?"
"Actually, I met him at a competition once. An exposition at the park. We never exchanged names, just discussed the moves. He was still a pre-Immortal at the time." I shut the door firmly. "Adam Pierson will meet an untimely demise in the US and his body will be shipped back for burial next to his wife Alexa. No one will visit it. I'll send you my address. I'll miss you, Highlander. Come for a beer sometime."
"Methos. What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I was very tired. I wanted him to try to stop me from leaving or something to that effect. Instead, he just grabbed my suitcase and left. I grabbed my other two bags ad followed him. Russ high signed me. He'd made a point of getting his ticket when I got mine. With luck, we'd be next to one another when we got our seating assignments.
TBC